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You are a Turk now. You work only for Shinra Inc. You are a Turk now, and don't you forget it.
You are to do whatever Shinra Inc. asks of you, whenever you are asked and to the best of your ability. You are to never question your orders, or the authority that gave you those orders.. You are to work without questions.
You are not to feel sorry or display any type of weakness. You are to be cool, calm and collected and efficient. Turks are serious about their work. You are to never look back and never thing twice. Turks don't cry.
You are a Turk without question. It is your life now. You will remain a Turk, unquestioningly loyal supporter of Shinra Inc. until the day you die. Never forget it for a moment.
No. Even all these years later the words are played in my head as clear as the day I first heard them. No, Shinra. You have done your job. I will not forget I was a Turk. Even if I live to be five hundred. And it seems that the world has been brainwashed just as I have. They will never forget I have been a Turk. They will never forgive me for my sins. It is almost enough for me to crawl back into my coffin and begin my sleep all over again.
I am an old man with a young face. In this fast moving world where everything that was once familiar has withered and died, I am out of place.
There is nothing but loneliness without you, my angel. There is no replacing what I had in you. Those few times I woke in Cloud's bed I felt ashamed for trying to fill the void in my heart. When I said you were my life I meant it, angel. Therefore how can I remain alive when you are gone?
All hope for life beyond Shinra has been crushed for me. I have been branded as the Shinra race, more specifically as a Turk. I always knew I wasn't fully human, even before Hojo altered my body. Now I have been convinced even further of this. There is nothing here for me but the life of a social misfit, marked to lead an empty life. Every breath I take hardly seems like it is worth the effort.
I cannot forget I am a Turk.
At least, as they diligently drilled into my head, not until I die.
Cloud was sitting, and he gestured to the chair besides him. "Have a seat."
The former President did, but his eyes still maintained their questioning look. "Is something the matter?"
The other blonde's expression was completely emotionless. "I hear you still can't get your loan."
"I suppose it's no secret," Rufus nodded. "The prospect is not looking so bright anymore."
Cloud turned away, facing forward in his chair as he said, "what if I offered to get the loan for you."
Rufus blinked, hardly believing his ears. "What?" he practically whispered.
The other man still sat forward. "If you wouldn't object, I'd gladly get the loan for you. Of course, I used to work for Shinra too, but I think what I have done has made up for that mistake."
"Why?" Rufus asked, leaning forward a little and staring right at Cloud. "Why would you do that for me? You wanted me dead the first time we met, remember?"
Cloud cracked a smile. "Yeah, and you grabbed your copter and flew off."
"That still doesn't answer my question," Rufus persisted, leaning even closer. "Why are you doing this, Cloud?"
The blonde was looking increasingly uncomfortable and watched Rufus nervously out of the corner of his eye as the older man leaned closer. "I just wanted to be nice. You and Reeve both need a break. Especially you, Rufus. You've changed. A lot." He finally turned his head and Rufus eyes widened, a little startled at how close they were. "Everyone deserves a chance."
The former President quickly moved back, placing a good distance between himself and his former rival. "Well, thank you, Cloud. I'm very grateful." He hesitated somewhat before adding, "and if you ever need anything, I'll be most willing to pay you back."
"Thanks for the offer," Cloud replied, eyes meeting the other man's. "But I don't need anything from you."
Why is this so awkward? Rufus thought warily as beads of sweat dripped down the back of his neck. It was as if the temperature of the room had risen ten degrees. I have to get out of here. He rose from his chair, extending his hand. "You're a good man, Cloud Strife. I've always know that."
Cloud took his offered hand and squeezed it, as Rufus looked on with a surprised look. "If you ever need anything else, I'm here for you, Rufus."
The
former President's whole body froze, his hand limp in Cloud's. For a long
moment his mind was a blank, and all he could do was stare back, mind unable
to process the signals he was getting. Finally he managed to step away,
run a hand through his hair and reply a little breathlessly, "thanks."
The former President smiled, shaking his head. "Reeve, that language. And no, I'm not joking. Cloud really did offer to get us the loan. He surprised me too." In more ways than one, but there are some suspicions men keep to themselves.
The older man was still besides himself. "I still can't believe it. The Cloud Strife I knew only wanted to give you a one way trip to the cemetery."
The blonde grinned, placing both palms flat on the table as he leaned towards his friend. "Believe it, Reeve, because it's happening. We're going to make a new life for ourselves, and everyone who hates Shinra can go to hell. There's no stopping us this time."
"Rufus, when you get that faraway gleam in your eyes it's almost like you're thinking reactors all over again." He grinned.
"Not funny, Reeve." Rufus Shinra turned back to his friend when he reached the door of the operations room. "This is the day of our rebirth. Not the rebirth of Shinra. This is the part where we live the lives we never had."
The
older man smiled as he joined his friend at the door, feeling the best
he had in a long time. "I've spent my whole life for it."
"Cloud!" the former President practically galloped to where the younger man stood. "Any word yet?"
The other man shook his head once. "I just brought them in."
Rufus' face still displayed an ear to ear grin. "This is it, boys." He drummed his hands on he counter for effect. "The shiny golden papers of hope."
Cloud smiled and quietly muttered about how Rufus had been spending too much time with Barret.
"And if this doesn't work?" the oldest man offered.
"You're always so negative, Reeve," the former President scowled. "Can't you be optimistic just for once?"
The older man looked away, hanging his head. "My optimism is what got me where I am today."
Rufus fought the urge to slap him and instead turned away to face Cloud.
"I'm feeling very good right now, Cloud."
The other blonde smiled somewhat shyly back. "I'm glad to make you happy, Rufus."
Before he could reply, a familiar face returned with the forms.
"Madeline!" Rufus' smile widened. "Why my day just seems to be getting better and better!"
She returned the smile as she stamped the papers. "Why so happy, Rufus?" The papers were handed to a frowning Cloud. "Your loan has been approved, sir."
"Oh, shit!" The exclamation escaped the former President's lips before he even realized what he had said. His companions and his girlfriend looked at him strangely as he clapped a hand over his moth, eyes tearing with joy. "Oh my god, it went through! It really did!" He turned, took Reeve by the shoulders, and shook his stunned friend. "It worked! It worked, Reeve! I told you not to give up! Didn't I tell you it would work out?"
A sort of half smile made it's way to the older man's lips. "Yeah.... It's done.... It's really done..."
Rufus released him and grabbed Cloud by the shoulders. "Cloud! My new best friend! I could kiss you! I owe you my life!"
A blush crept up on the younger blonde as Rufus turned to Madeline. "You're welcome, Rufus."
"And you...." he leaned over the counter, speaking in a husky voice. "I'll kiss you later... When we're out celebrating."
Madeline blushed, looking down at the counter. "Pick me up at eight."
"Be ready!" Again Rufus turned to Cloud, and plucked the forms from his hands. "I never thought paper could make me so happy!" He kissed the sheets in his hands, eyes sparkling with a life long since faded.
Reeve couldn't help laughing at him. "Keep it up, Rufus, and they'll have to take you to the nut house."
The former President was dragging Cloud out the door with him. "Come on, Reeve! Let's go celebrate!"
The
older man shook his head, but he followed with a smile.
He ran a hand through her hair, smiling down at her. "I know, Bria." He kissed her again.
"I have something for you."
Reeve watched curiously as she went to the bed and brought him a box.
"I found this when I was unpacking your stuff." She laughed lightly. "Don't worry. I didn't open it."
Turning a deathly shade of pale, Reeve weakly took the box from her. "Oh. Thank you, dear."
Bria kissed him once more. "I'm going to go say congratulations to Rufus."
"All right." He watched her leave and shut the door behind her before he looked down at the box in his hands. "Oh my god, I can't believe she found this..." he muttered to himself as he went to sit on the bed. "What if she had opened it?" Reeve set it down besides him and opened it himself.
The box was full of memories. Memories of an old friend who was now dead.
Tseng... I never even got to say good-bye.
There were many items in the box, but Reeve just picked up three items on the top. Gifts from his last birthday. A card, a poem and a pen in an engraved box. Dream the Impossible, it read. Love, Tseng. Reeve had used that pen so much he had to replace the ink cartridge five times in one year.
With shaking fingers he picked up the card, reading his friend's neat cursive handwriting.
Dear Reeve,
You wouldn't think it was possible, but with every year I love you more. I am so very thankful to have you in my life. Happy birthday, my beloved. And many, many more.
Love always,
Tseng
Dammit. Why didn't I just tell you I loved you too? I loved you, Tseng. I still love you. Reeve put it down, wiping the beginnings of tears from his eyes. No. I can't. I can't cry. I have to get over this. I'll always love him, but I have to move on and focus on Bria now. It's in the past, and you can't change the past. It isn't good to have regrets. I have to force myself.
Hands still shaking, he reached for the poem. I can do this. Slowly, his eyes glided over the handwritten words.
For Reeve:
Reeve
Your name makes
me dizzy
I love you so much
Reeve
I can never say
it enough
Reeve
You make life worth
living
I need you so much
Reeve
I can never get
enough
Reeve
You always amaze
me
I'd do anything
Reeve
I can never tell
you enough
Reeve
You always hold
me
I just tend to cry
Reeve
I can never love
you enough
Reeve bit his lip and wished back the water pooling in his eyes. Oh god no. Come on, Reeve. Don't do this. Don't cry...
But he did. He broke down into sobs, holding the piece of paper that held so much meaning to him tightly against his skin. Memories of the day he first received this poem crept into his mind.
"I'm not much of a poet," Tseng had said softly, as if he was ashamed. "A friend of mine once wrote me poetry. It was beautiful. I just wish I could write you beautiful poetry."
Reeve couldn't even get the words out. "This... Tseng, this is.... I... I can't even..." He had stopped and just stared a moment before he blurted out, "how can you be so perfect?"
"You...like it?" Tseng had seemed amazed.
"I could never thank you enough. There--there--there aren't *words*, Tseng. I'm touched. I love it. Thank you. I'll keep it with me. Always.... Always...."
Always... Reeve cried harder, hating himself for lying and not keeping it with him. Hating himself for never telling Tseng the truth, and most of all, hating himself for ever thinking he could ever fully move on and forget his dearest friend even a little. It may be in the past, but there are some things about the past that you just can't forget.
He dug into the box, searching for the one object he needed to hold in his hand. The object he had worn on his hand until Tseng had died. Then the pain has been too much, and tears had made their way to his eyes each and every time he looked upon it. But now he needed it.
The gold shimmered as he picked it up and held it in his palm, just staring down at it. He was the one who had gone out and sealed their friendship this way. Reeve could still remember the look on Tseng's face as he opened the box and laid eyes upon the ring. I told him it was a token of our friendship, but to me it was always more like a wedding ring.
Oh my god... Reeve slipped off his wedding band and instead put on his finger the more familiar band of gold.
/"This means so much to me, Reeve. You can't even imagine."/
I made so many mistakes. Could you ever forgive me?
/"I love you so much my heart could break."/
They never even found your body. Your tombstone marks an empty grave.
/"Reeve... Ah, man. I... I don't know how to tell ya this... Tseng's *dead*."/
Do you remember how you cried for days when Sephiroth died and we sinned once more with the Nibelheim Project? Well I cried for days when I lost you. I just couldn't stop.
/"You all don't get it, do you? He wasn't just another Turk. He wasn't, even though he tried to be. He was a human being. And he didn't die a Turk, even though he committed every sin you ever forced upon him. He died a good man. And you can't take that away from him."/
I would never let them hurt you. You never deserved to be a Turk. You had the skill, yes, but you never truly had the heart. Even though you wanted so badly to be what you were supposed to be, you never came close. Each time I held you as you cried or heard you whimper my name when we made love I was reminded of just how human you were, and how much I loved you. And still love you. And will always love you.
Reeve
looked upon the band of gold on his finger and sighed reflectively, imagining
that at any moment Tseng could walk through that door...
Madeline laughed lightly, squeezing her boyfriend's hand. "I'm so happy for you, Rufus."
"It's not just the loan." He sat on a nearby bench, pulling her down besides him. "Even though that loan is going to make my life worth living again, it's not the only thing that makes me so happy." The corner of his lips turned into a small grin, and he shyly kissed her nose. "You make me very happy..." Rufus trailed off, looking at his hand in hers. "It's been a long time since... I've never really had..." His voice had suddenly lost the carefree air and took a serious, reflective tone.
"Rufus, it's okay." She ran a hand through his hair. "You mean a lot to me. I'm glad I can make you happy." Squeezing his hand she added, "tell me about your plans for the loan."
"Ah, yes. The loan." His eyes came up again. "Reeve and I are going to build a bar slash restaurant. I guess Cloud and Vincent will help too, after all, they used to be in Shinra as well. We're going to build it in Nibelheim, where the mansion used to be. So, I'll have to be leaving for Nibelheim soon. But that doesn't mean I won't come back as often as possible to see you." Gently he caressed her cheek.
"Who's gonna build it?"
"That's what money is for, darling. It has the power to hire people."
An uneasy smile came upon her lips and she looked away. "Of course."
The blonde frowned, brow crinkling in concern. "Madeline? Is something wrong?"
"No... No. Nothing's wrong."
She
came to kiss him, and every thought flew out of his head.
Vincent stood behind a low, iron fence that framed a rocky cliff. The Highwind was not parked far, but no one was looking for the dark, stoic man who stood alone, wallowing in his own memories of yesterday, and all the people who were gone from this world.
It almost seems a crime that I am here, and they are not. Oh and you, my angel. My life, my life, my life, my life. Angel, I would give anything to see you again. I would pay any price. My life seems such a small price to pay...
Pale, slender hands gripped the railing as tightly as possible, straining for reasons to keep himself on this side of it. What do you want me to do, Sephiroth? He looked down, but the bottom was hidden in the black of night. Vincent found he was not the least bit afraid, even though his heart was pounding in his chest, begging him to make a decision. Whatever you want me to do... Send me a sign, and I'll do it.
There was only the cool rustle of the wind, sweeping strands of long, black hair around his face. No one would miss me. No one would care if I was gone... With a shaky breath he stepped over the railing, gaining a shaky footing on the crumbling earth beneath him. He held onto the railing still, trying to find the will to let go. Just give me a sign, my winged angel...
"Vincent! No!"
The raven haired man turned his head sharply, and gasped at the site of Rufus Shinra, blonde and clad all in white, shining like a ray of light despite the darkness. "Angel." The word escaped Vincent's lips absently.
"Vincent, what are you doing?" The former President was out of breath, and he braced himself on the railing that held Vincent Valentine's life. "Don't do it."
"Do what?"
"Don't play dumb," Rufus hissed as he still gasped for breath. "Don't kill yourself. Not now. "
"You do not understand." Vincent emitted a quiet sigh. "What if everyone you ever loved was dead?"
"I never had anyone," the blonde replied, looking at Vincent's emotionless face. "Not really. Not until now. So maybe I don't really understand as well as I should. But I do understand the feeling of wanting death. Of wanting to end it because it seems so pointless. I was going to kill myself before Reeve knocked some sense into me. And I mean that quite literally."
Vincent didn't reply. His crimson eyes stared straight ahead into the endless night.
"So they're gone. You miss them. You may be old, but there's life left in you. And now that we have this loan, there's hope. I'll make you a partner, Vincent. You'll get that will to live back. I know you will. I thought I never would, but I did. And now I'm so happy to be alive... So happy WEAPON didn't kill me. I was kept alive for a reason, Jenova or no Jenova. I'm here, and I plan to make the best of it." He paused before adding, "look, I don't know if I'm helping at all. I guess if you really have no will to go on, there is no way me or anyone else can stop you." Rufus stopped again, and then added in a firm tone, "but think. And know you will be missed if you do do it."
/ "I love you unconditionally, angel. No matter what happens--you will have my love. For this life into the next. Beyond either of our life spans, or the life span of this very planet. That is something I hope you'll never forget."
"I don't understand why, but it's no matter. I won't forget you love me, Vincent, and I hope you never forget I love you."/
Ah, Sephiroth. I will always love you, no matter where you are, and you, you love me too, no matter if we are together or not...
"Vincent?" Rufus' voice was questioning.
"He forgot," said the dark haired man softly.
"What?"
"He forgot I would always love him. Even though he said he wouldn't. He was so depressed that he thought no one could ever..." Vincent turned his head away. "And to think I nearly did the same thing. How could I have been so blind?"
"Sephiroth..." Rufus said quietly. He then spoke louder as a thought came to him. "And Lucretia! You begged her to live, remember? You told her you could make it!"
"Lucretia..." I can't fall into that trap... The planet lives. I live. Sephiroth loves me. There is no reason for me to let myself go. With a renewed soul he stepped back over the fence and onto sturdy ground again.
"Thank god. Thank you, Vincent." Rufus spoke quickly, breathing a sigh of relief.
"No." Vincent took the young man by the shoulders, watching the blonde's eyes widen at the sudden contact. "I have you to thank, Rufus. For making me remember what mattered most."
The blonde was shocked, but smiled slightly as the older man gently placed a kiss on his forehead. "It is always the little things--the most importantthings--that we forget when all seems lost."
Slowly, Vincent released the younger man, glancing up into the clearing sky. The moon was peering through the clouds, shining upon the two men. "Yes, and it is these remnants that we need to hold onto. It is hard to forget the past, and even harder to learn from it."
Rufus looked up to face the moon as well, his fair skin paler in the moonlight. "It always seems that emotion gets in the way of it all."
"And that," Vincent said softly, his words whispering on the midnight breeze, "is why there is so much suffering."