"We never escape from choice. Every action we take or don't take. Every time we open our mouths and close our eyes."
-Starhawk, The Fifth Sacred Thing

   It was a calm morning, aside from the pounding on the door. Or was it in his head? Tseng braced himself on his arms from where he had been laying face down in bed. No, it was the door. Ben was still quite soundly asleep, and so Tseng got up with a sigh, plodding over to answer the door in only his boxers, hoping it wasn't housekeeping.

    "Rise and shine, sunshine! It's a beautiful day out!"

    "Reeve," Tseng said dryly, staring at him in disbelief. "What time is it? You're a crazy man."

    "It's eight-thirty. And I know you're the last thing from a morning person, but I'm just so excited! I can't sit still! Wanna go for a walk?"

    Tseng leaned against the door frame, smiling. He had to. "What are you, Reeve, thirty-six? You act just like a kid sometimes. I love that about you."

    Reeve blushed, averting his gaze. "Well....you coming?"

    "Sure. Let me put some clothes on, and we'll go." He stepped aside. "Come on in, but be quiet. Ben's still sleeping."

    He did come in, and he stayed near the doorway as Tseng closed the door. Reeve couldn't help look at Ben, who was still peacefully asleep. "You still sleeping together?" he asked with a jealous twinge to his voice.

    "If you mean sleeping in the same bed, then yes." The former Turk was taking some clothes out of his suitcase. "If you mean sex, then not really. Not in a few weeks." He turned with a sigh, looking at Ben, then at Reeve. "I'll just be a minute." Then he went into the bathroom.

    Reeve had never really liked Ben. And it had nothing to do with the man himself. In actuality there was nothing wrong with the man at all. Ben was smart. He had a good personality. He was handsome. And it had more to deal with the fact that he was jealous more than anything else.

    The two of them, Benjamin and Tseng, had started dating when the now former head of the Turks was in his early twenties. The relationship had lasted two years, ending with Tseng's confession that he never could love Ben the way Ben loved him. But for those years, Reeve battled with his secret jealousy. At first he thought it was because his friend was spending more time with his new boyfriend than with him. But after that problem was rectified, Reeve realized he was *still* jealous. Only this time he was jealous of how close Tseng and Ben were. For years prior to that he had been brushing off his building attraction to the younger man. He had fought against it, convincing himself he was crazy, and his mind was playing tricks on him every time a thought crossed his mind that was anything but heterosexual. The older he got, the harder it got to contain it. Occasionally he would forget himself, and then blame his behavior on alcohol. He would never voluntarily kiss another man when alcohol wasn't involved.

    Until he did.

    At first he blamed his newfound sexual relationship with Tseng on the fact that he had no one else in the world, and he needed love from someone. *Anyone*. But soon the feelings became so strong that he couldn't hide it from himself any longer. He was in *love* with Tseng. Truly, deeply, head over heels in love with him. And he had been all that time he was trying to hide it. He was just so scared of the feelings. And even when he recognized him he was still afraid. No one knew how he felt besides his own self. Not even Tseng. Time and time again he wanted to tell him the truth, but he could never find the courage, coward that he was. Afterwards he regretted it immensely, the guilt plaguing him.

    Now he was back. There was a chance to make things right.

    But what about Bria...??

    Suddenly, Reeve was completely confused again. He loved Bria, he really did. Then why did he feel so strange around her so suddenly? He thought when he chose Bria that he had made the correct decision. At the time it had seemed so right. At the time when all he longed for was to destroy Shinra. Something she had wanted too. It had been the deciding factor in choosing between them. Now Shinra was gone, and Tseng was back.

    Is it possible he had made the wrong choice?

    Reeve knew, in the back of his mind, that if Tseng married Ben, he would never be able to live with himself.

    "All right, let's go." Tseng emerged, wearing blue jeans and a dark blue t-shirt. Reeve tried not to stare, but it was hard.

    "Dieu, je vous veux..." Reeve muttered under his breath.

    "What's that?" Tseng looked up.

    "Nothing." Just thinking about how I want you. "Let's go."

    "Hold up a minute." The former Turk went to the side of his still sleeping friend and leaned over, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

    Ben stirred, eyes blinking open. "Oh... Good morning."

    "Good morning to you too, sleepy head," Tseng teased lightly. "I'm going for a walk with Reeve, all right?"

    The accountant turned his head and spotted Reeve in the doorway. "Oh, hi, Reeve."

    "Hi," Reeve answered politely.

    "All right, have fun," Ben yawned turning on his side. "I'll see you later, sweetie."

    Reeve frowned.

    "Bye, Ben."

    The older man waited until they were outside and the door was safely shut before he commented. "He still calls you that?"

    "Huh?" They started down the hallway.

    "He still calls you 'sweetie' even though you're not together?"

    "So? Sephiroth called me by affectionate names long after we broke it off."

    "He didn't call you sweetie." They were outside the hotel now.

    "What he called me is still considered affectionate." Turning, the former Turk faced his friend. "Reeve, is it bothering you that he calls me that?"

    Nervously, he scratched the back of his neck. "No... I was just wondering."

    Tseng said nothing. He just looked around, a nostalgic look in his black eyes. ".....Town hasn't changed much," he finally commented.

    "You going to be all right?" Reeve asked in concern.

    "Yeah. Let's start walking."

    And they did.

    "So......what was that last night?"

    "What was what?"

    Reeve stuck his hands in his pockets to try and squelch the temptations overcoming him. "When Bria asked you if she knew her brother."

    Tseng was quiet a moment. ".....what was weird?"

    "You totally froze. Seems to me like there's a story behind it."

    "If you must know...." the younger man hesitated and took a deep breath, "I slept with him."

    Reeve stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face his longtime friend with unbelieving eyes. "You did *WHAT*?!"

    "Sephiroth requested that I come and help out at the SOLDIER training camp, remember? Well, I met Zack there. He was a first class SOLDIER, and Sephiroth introduced us. We got to talking....and a little bit of drinking, and it turns out he knew Aeris. Used to date her actually."

    "Wait, so if he dated a girl...that would make him... ...Bria's brother was bisexual?"

    "He was when I was done with him."

    "Tseng!" Reeve scolded.

    "I couldn't help it!" the younger man protested. "He was *extremely* good looking, and he was coming onto me! I can't even tell you some of the things that came out of *his* mouth."

    "Sure you can," insisted his friend. "I wanna know."

    "Well, he told me he was sometimes attracted to other men, and he usually hid it, but with me he couldn't, and would I like to show him what being with a man was like." Tseng took a breath, speaking casually, but a little faster than usual. "Now, I don't usually do one night stands, but I had been drinking, and you know how I get. It was different then what I was used to, but still amazing. The very next day he hooked up with Cloud--"

    "Cloud *Strife*??"

    "Do you know any other people named Cloud?"

    "He's gay too?"

    "Sure is. He tried to seduce Sephiroth one time. Anyway, so, yes, I slept with Zack. *Once*."

    "I don't believe it." Reeve shook his head in amazement. "You and my wife's *brother*." He paused. "Wait a minute....that camp...how many years ago was that?"

    "That was about 7 years ago. One year before...you know...here."

    Green eyes widened significantly. "Wait a minute... 7 years ago! We were together then!"

    Tseng swallowed nervously.

    "And *Sephiroth* summoned for you to come? I thought it was Heidegger!"

    "It was....after...Sephiroth...put in the request," the former Turk admitted slowly.

    His jaw nearly hitting the floor, Reeve exclaimed, "he asked you there so he could sleep with you, didn't he?"

    Black eyes narrowed. "What makes you accuse that?"

    "I know Sephiroth!!" he went on, obviously upset. "He wanted to fuck you because he was lonely! Can you honestly tell me that's not the reason!"

    "Like you should care what I did," Tseng snapped, holding his ground. "You told me a million times you didn't care who I slept with while we were together. And the few times I did it I felt bad anyway!"

    "You *should* have felt bad!" cried Reeve, "because I lied about that!"

    "What?"

    "I lied when I said I didn't care. I *did* care. I cared *a lot*. Fille!" He clenched his fists.

    "Why did you lie about it?" Tseng demanded. "Why did you make me think you didn't care when you really did?"

    Clenching his fists all the more tightly, Reeve could feel himself start to shake and he fought hard not to break down and cry. "Because I'm a liar," he almost whispered, voice shaking to the point of breaking. "I'm a fool."

    "Reeve?" he questioned gently.

    "I have to go." The words were mangled, and before Tseng could even blink, Reeve was gone.


    "So what is up, man? How's *life*?"

    Tseng was sitting with Reno at the bar. Actually, Tseng was sitting *at* the bar, and Reno was sitting behind it. The redhead was smiling from ear to ear as he poured his friend a beer and slid it across to him. "Life? Not bad. I'm just glad I have it."

    "You 'n me both, man. Yo, I can't tell ya how *great* it is to have you back."

    A small smile crossed the older man's lips. "Thanks, Reno. I really appreciate that."

    "So what's up with Ben? You two together?" Reno sipped at his own beer.

    The other man shrugged, leaning on the bar. "I can't answer that right now. I don't know myself."

    "That's cause you love Reeve," Reno said simply.

    Tseng sighed. "Yeah. That's basically the problem."

    "You must be *so* fucking jealous of Bria. I know I would be."

    Again he sighed. "I am. But I like her. I'm just glad to see Reeve happy. It doesn't really matter."

    "Hm. That's interesting." Reno took a sip of beer and he raised his eyebrows slightly.

    Tseng looked up. "What?"

    Reno shrugged his shoulders. "It's none of my business."

    The other man said nothing, and silently sipped his drink. "So how have you been?"

    Shaking his head sadly, Reno admitted with a laborious sigh, "not good, man."

    Tseng raised an eyebrow in concern. "Oh? What's wrong?"

    "Well, I'm doin' better now that I got everybody and we got a goal, ya know? But when Rude n' I had *nothin'* after Shinra went under, man, we had *nothin'*. I was so depressed. Felt like I wasted my life, ya know? So I tried to kill myself, but Rude stopped me. You know this may sound kinda gay--" he looked up at his friend. "--no offense."

    "None taken," Tseng said shortly. "Go on."

    "But I really love that guy. Rude's like my best friend in the world, man. I don't know what I would do without him. So after he saved my ass, we found our way here and I feel a lot better... But...there's still one thing..."

    "What's that?"

    ".......Remember my sister?"

    The older man thought for a moment before a wave of realization washed over his face. "Oh, yes. Your sister. Yes, I do remember her. We had to put her in the orphanage. She must be out by now."

    "She is. ...I...I went to see her and all..." he trailed off, looking down and trying not to get emotional.

    "...What happened?" Tseng asked carefully, watching Reno intently.

    "She....she wanted to come with me, man... But... But... I couldn't let her..." his voice choked a moment, but his eyes were bone dry, "but I couldn't let her come wit' me. I mean, I had nothin' then. And even though I got somethin' now, I was still in Shinra. People still hate me. Why should I put her through that, ya know?" He finally looked up, blue eyes pleading. "I don't wanna put her through nothin' painful no more, ya know? She didn't wanna hear it, but I had no choice. And leavin' her behind....it hurt more than anything I ever felt."

    "I understand how you must feel." Tseng avoided Reno's gaze as he spoke. "I had two siblings once."

    "Oh, yeah, Reeve told me about that." the other man's voice was careful, gentle. "I guess... I guess I got it easy, huh?"

    Tseng shook his head. "No, Reno." He had to force the words out, voice becoming overcome with emotion so suddenly. "No, you don't have it easy. None of us ever did. We came from destroyed lives to destroy the lives of others." He shook his head, a bitter smile coming to his lips. "God, it's so ironic."

    "You think.... You think it will ever be okay?" His voice was small, like a child's.

    The older man shook his head, wrapping a hand around his glass. "No. But we can make it better. ...Maybe be happy, for a change."

    "Happy?" Reno repeated. "I don't understand."

    Bitter laughter escaped the older man's throat. "Exactly. It sounds so simple. But I've never been truly happy. I've been content... Oh yes, I've been very content. But happy?" he sighed. "That is my one wish."

    "Yeah," Reno decided thoughtfully. "Yeah, mine too."

    A moment of awkward silence passed between them, but they were interrupted as Rude entered.

    "Hey," he said, taking off the sunglasses. "What's going on?"

    "Just chattin', man. Wanna a beer?" the redhead was already reaching for a glass.

    "Sure." The bald man took a seat besides his former boss. "What you guys chattin' about?"

    "Life," Tseng answered simply, and that was all he needed to say.

    "That's fucked up shit," mumbled Rude, accepting his beer.

    The redhead laughed loudly. "Yeah, man. You summed it up pretty damn good!"

    Tseng smiled too, commenting as he lifted his glass to his lips, "yes. Pretty damn good."


    Rufus Shinra sat alone.

    He was sitting in the same trailer where he had been the night he had received that fateful call that tore his life to the ground once more. Part of him wished that PHS would ring again, and he would hear her voice on the other end. That she would take it all back and they could be together once more. But part of him was so bitter for her ever saying what he did, that he never wanted to see or hear from the pretty blonde again as long as he might live. But try as he might not to feel that way, Rufus was a desperate man. He was desperate for love. He had never really known it. His mother had died when he was only a baby and his father certainly never showed him any affection whatsoever, never mind any kind of simple love. All the women he had known never found a place in his heart, and those that did broke and shattered it, or went away with those who deserved him more. Rufus was running out of patience, and he was running out of tears.

    He was crying now, sitting alone in the trailer, his feet up on the desk, a hand wiping at his weeping eyes. With all that was going right, so much of it seemed to be going wrong. It seemed stupid that only a name could be banishing him to this lonely and desolate life. Yes, yes, he had friends. But what he really longed for was someone to hold him and kiss him loving him for who he was and who everyone knew he was. Loving him no matter what his last name had once stood for. Loving him because he was Rufus. There didn't seem to be a soul alive.

  I'm acting like a little girl, he thought sourly, wiping away the last remnants of his tears. And to think anyone ever feared me--or that I could *make* anyone fear me... It just seems so funny now...

    A knock at the door almost startled him to the point of falling over. As his feet hit the floor, he composed himself enough to call out, "come in."

    A spikey blonde head peeked in the room, a look of concern written across mako infused eyes. "Rufus? Are you okay?"

    "Yeah, Cloud. I'm fine. Come on in, and shut the door."

    The younger man did so, and he came and stood across from Rufus, looking down at him with the same expression on his face. "You are *not* fine. So don't pretend to be. Stop hiding your feelings."

    "I don't think anyone wants to hear me moan and groan about how no one will love me," Rufus muttered, avoiding eye contact.

    Cloud sat. "Try me."

    Looking up, the other man's eyes widened in a bit of surprise. "Why do you care? You wanted to kill me on top of the headquarters. Now you want to talk about my problems."

    "I love you," Cloud blurted out.

    Rufus could not have been more shocked if his father's corpse had come in doing the hula. His jaw fell open and his eyes widened even more so, his brain a blank territory. "......what?" his lips barely moved to form the word.

    "I know, it sounds crazy." The other man was speaking quickly, almost trying to prove his case. "I really hated you once, I really did. I hated everything about Shinra and I had every reason to. But you were different then. You changed. It's like you're a whole new person. You're everything they said you weren't. You *are* kind and you *are* compassionate. And I'll be damned if you're not the most beautiful man I've ever seen. I *understand* you. I understand where you come from. I know your past, and I don't care, because I know what you are now. And I know you're not gay, but I just... I couldn't contain it anymore. Not when I saw you in pain like this." Cloud paused to take a breath before adding slower, and softer, "I'm in love with you, Rufus. So you're not alone. Even if you think you are."

    Jenova fused eyes blinked, and Rufus found himself leaning forward. From this man's lips he had just heard everything he had always wanted to here.

    From this *man*.

    Rufus had never had a sexual thought about a man in his life.

    But desperate man don't care where they get what they need to go on living.

    It didn't repulse him---why not try? He was willing to *force* himself if necessary. He needed someone--anyone. Right now gender seemed to be a minor detail.

    He leaned forward some more and whispered, "kiss me."

    Dark blue eyes blinked in shock. "What?" the word was hissed.

    Rufus was leaning further now, bringing their faces closer together. "You heard me."

    "Oh, Rufus..." a whispered sigh of joy, and Cloud leaned forward, stroking the other man's cheek as he captured his lips ever so gently with his own.

    Rufus shut his eyes and found himself kissing back. Keep going.

    The other blonde's lips persisted futher, and their tongue's met. Although tentative at first, Rufus quickly warmed up and soon he was moaning as he kissed Cloud, hands resting on the younger man's upper arms.

    Without parting their lips they stood, arms snaking around one another and pulling each other close. Rufus let his hands tentatively roam the other man's body. It was strange to encounter a flat chest, but Cloud felt firm, muscular. Far from unpleasant, just, strange. Cloud himself has his hands around the other blonde's waist, fingers gliding over his back lightly.

    Just when it seemed their kiss could not be any deeper, Cloud pulled away. "Rufus....what do you want to do?"

    The other man had his eyes closed, panting lightly. "I want to go back to your room."

    "R-r....are you sure?!"

    ".....Yes....yes, I.... Cloud...*please*. I need this." Eye still closed.

    "Whatever you want, I'll give you." Cloud whispered.

    And whatever I want, I'll do anything to get.


    "Hey, Reno!" Rude entered the bar, carrying a few bottles of champagne. The room had been lined with tiny, twinkling white lights that had been lit. The DJ was setting up in the corner, and the grinning redhead, clad in a tuxedo, was tending the bar.

    "I have got a kick ass job now!" bubbled Reno as his friend set down the champagne. "How awesome is this, Rude?"

    "Pretty awesome," Rude said in his usual emotionless manner. He straightened his tuxedo jacket. "This is going to be great. The party starts in an hour." Pausing a moment, he added, "you've been more like yourself lately, man."

    "I'll never be what I was." The redhead was pouring some scotch into two glasses. "But I get a little closer to what I *should* be. I just...I'm so glad Tseng's back, ya know? Not to sound gay or anything, but I really love 'em." He handed one of the glasses to Rude, and kept one for himself.

    "I know what you mean, man." Rude accepted the glass and took off his sunglasses. "Let's have a toast, huh? To happiness."

    Reno raised his own glass, a hint of a smile playing on the corners of his mouth. "Yeah. To happiness. Wherever it may be."


    "Are you sure the kids will be okay with a sitter?" Reeve asked his wife for what had to be the tenth time that night. Bria was putting on a pair of diamond earrings.

    "Sweetie, for the last time, they'll be *fine*." She shook her head, laughing quietly. "You worry far too much."

    "I know." With a sigh he sat down on the bed. "I just have a lot on my mind right now."

    Bria frowned and turned to him. "Honey, you look unhappy. Is everything okay?"

    ".......I had a fight with Tseng yesterday."

    Her jaw dropped as she commented. "You two? But you seem so close."

    "We are... It's just... We got to talking about the past and different things, and... Oh, I did a stupid thing." He ran a hand over his face.

    Sitting next to him, Bria affectionately brushed some hair out of his face, and asked, "do you want to talk about it?"

    With a negative shake of the head, Reeve lay back on the bed with a reflective sigh. He looked up at Bria, who looked down at him, a look of concern on her pretty face. "I love you," he said. "Don't forget that."

    "Of course I won't, Reeve. I love you just as much."

  If that's true... Reeve thought, turning to his head to the side, you don't love me enough.


    "How do I look?"

    "Very handsome, as usual. What about me?"

    "You look.......nice." Rufus turned back to the mirror again, straightening his bow tie.

    Cloud stood near the doorway, silently observing the other man. "Rufus... I've been meaning to say... Um...about last night."

    "It was fine." Rufus cut him off cleanly, eyes focused on his own reflection. "It didn't hurt *that* much."

    "I...what I...what I meant to say was, ...are you sure you want to keep doing this?" he sounded unsure.

    The older man turned, an emotionless look about his Jenova blue eyes. "Don't you?"

    "Well..." Cloud hesitated before he finished, "Of course I do, if *you* want to."

    "I want to." Rufus turned back to the mirror again, hands going once more for the black tie around his neck. I *need* to.


    "You've been quiet today, Tseng. Is something wrong?" Benjamin observed the former Turk, who was fussing with his hair.

    "Reeve and I had a little fight," he admitted with a sigh. "I don't know if he's mad at me, or what. It was so weird." Shaking his head, he turned around. "We were together a day and all ready we fought. That's not a good sign."

    Ben gave him a pitying look, coming over and embracing the younger man. "Sweetie, he'll apologize. He's your best friend. He needs you just as much as you need him." A kiss to the side of his head, and Ben backed off. "Come on. We'll be late." He started for the door.

    "Ben, I should tell you something."

    "What's that?"

    "You know Vincent Valentine?"

    "Yes, why?"

    "....He was Sephiroth's lover."


    The party was packed to the walls, filled with town residents, curious people who came all the way to Nibelheim just to see the opening of this new bar, and of course, those who had started this whole establishment to begin with. Reno and Rude were behind the bar, distributing drinks. Tifa, Cloud and Rufus were talking, although Tifa was starting to look a little jealous. Vincent was sitting at the bar, keeping mostly to himself, silently overseeing the action around him. Tseng and Ben were on one side of the room, talking and even dancing once in awhile, not caring who knew they were gay. And Reeve and Bria were on the other side of the room, mingling and keeping busy.

    Reeve's eyes had not left Tseng all night.

     "Oh dieu, je vous veux si mauvais..."

    "Reeve?"

    "Huh?" The former executive turned back to his wife, who was giving him a displeased look.

    "You're staring again, Reeve."

    "Staring?" he turned completely away from where Tseng was dancing with Ben. "Staring at who--I mean what," he stammered, cursing himself for the error.

    "Tseng," she said simply.

    Dark green eyes widened for a moment in shock. "What?"

    "You've been staring at him all night," she accused.

    "I...I have not..." He turned his head once more to spot Tseng leaving the dance floor.

    "You're doing it again!"

    Reeve watched, eyes narrowing slightly as Ben leaned over and kissed Tseng on the cheek. "Ce devrait être moi..." he muttered under his breath.

    "You had a sexual relationship with him," she stated, not questioning in the least.

    "Huh?" He turned back to her again. "What are you accusing me of??"

    "I am accusing you of being bisexual." She did not sound mad at all, in fact, her tone was practically gentle. "You used to have a relationship with Tseng, didn't you?"

    "I.... I... I did." He hung his head.

    "And you love him." Again, not a question.

    His head snapped up, staring at her in a combination of shock and amazement.

    Bria said simply, "I can tell. You love him in the same way you love me. I've always suspected you did, but I was never completely sure until I saw the two of you together." She crossed her arms.

    "H-how...How could you have possibly been able to tell?"

    "My brother was bisexual."

    "You know he was??"

    "Oh, apparently he came out of the closet later on." She actually laughed as she said, "good for him."

    Reeve blinked in amazement. "Why are you so easy going with this? I'm your husband. I shouldn't love anyone but you--doesn't this upset you??"

    She avoided the question and instead she asked, "does he know?"

    Hanging his head, Reeve admitted in a small voice. "....no."

    "Why not?!"

    "......I was too much of a coward."

    "Reeve, look at me," Bria demanded. And he did. "Reeve, you have to tell him."

    "What?! Are you crazy, Bria?!"

    "I want you to tell him. You can't keep those kind of emotions hidden, you *can't*."

    He shook his head. "I...I can't. It would be too weird. I'm married to you. I made my choice."

    "At least go dance with him."

    He met her eyes. "I don't understand..."

    "At least go dance with him," she repeated, speaking more quickly. "We can discuss this later, Reeve. Just go."

    "I really do love you, Bria."

    "I know, Reeve." She smiled. It was a small one, but genuine. "Go ahead. Please."

    Reeve was still confused, but he pushed that idea to the back of his mind and turned in the direction where Tseng was.

  Something feels wrong here.


    "Have you two seen Cloud? Or Rufus?" Tifa was at the bar, questioning a very busy Reno.

    "Nope, sorry, babe, but I haven't." He handed one customer a beer. "Here you go, sir."

    "Dammit," she cursed. "Well, thanks anyway." She glanced around the area once more before pushing her way away from the bar once more.

    "All right!" called Reno, wiping his hands off with a dish towel. "Who's next?"


    Reeve approached Tseng carefully, weaving his way through the crowd. The former Turk was standing with Ben, chatting about one thing or another. Although he was slightly put off by the presence of the other man, Reeve was more than determined to do what he had set out to accomplish.

    "Tseng." A simple word, uttered upon the approach.

    The younger man looked over. "Oh. Hello, Reeve." The statement was nothing more than a statement of recognition.

    "Can I....talk to you...." a glance at Ben, and then he added, "alone?"

    Tseng glanced first at his companion, and then at the one who addressed him. "Sure."

    "I'll....make myself scarce." Ben smiled a bit and then began his way across the crowd.

    "Thanks, Ben." Turning to Reeve, the former Turk studied his best friend a moment before he said, "What is it?"

    "An apology," confessed Reeve, a genuine expression of his feelings displayed on his features. "For yesterday. I shouldn't have yelled. It was my fault to start, and I had no right saying what I did." With a sigh, he continued. "I'm a big idiot. You come back after being away--and I thought you were *dead*, and after how unbelievably overjoyed I am after seeing you again, I go and start a stupid fight." Green eyes met black ones. "Even if I don't deserve it.....forgive me?"

    "Reeve," Tseng began, placing a hand on his friend's lower arm. "Of *course* you're forgiven. And don't be so hard on yourself. Look, everyone makes mistakes. I shouldn't have slept with anyone else, even though you said that. I just...it was hard, in the beginning, to give so much and get so little in return. But it was only in the beginning. After that night you kissed me in front of Sephiroth at the bar I never slept with anyone else. It was you I wanted." A hand brushed a familiar cheek. "You're the only one I ever wanted."

    Reeve sighed, wrapping a hand around his friend's wrist. "I'm still sorry."

    "For what?" Tseng smiled gently.

    "I called you a whore." Reeve returned the expression.

    "Wouldn't be the first time." He chuckled. "You and those words I don't understand."

    "Here." Tsengs's eyes widened as Reeve clasped his hand. "Come with me."

    The other man raised an eyebrow but followed wordlessly as Reeve led him out the front door and around the side of the building to the back. There was an open air porch, a patio surrounded by a low stone wall. There was a column at each corner, ivy twisting it's way to the top. Wooden planks criss crossed overhead, held in place by the columns. The area had been draped in the same twinkling white lights that decorated the interior. Two French doors separated this area from the bar, but they were shut now, a curtain drawn across. The music from inside drifted clearly though the walls of the building and into the starlit night.

    Still hand in hand, Reeve led Tseng onto the patio, as the younger man looked around in wonder.

    "Oh, Reeve... What's this?"

    "It's for you." Reeve drew the younger man close, arms taking him around the waist. "I... I wanted to dance with you."

    "Oh...Reeve..." he sighed, hesitating somewhat before draping his own arms about Reeve's neck.

    "Listen," Reeve whispered, as a new song began to play.

    And he did listen, and the former Turk's eyes widened ever so slightly as the tune was recognized. "Oh, Reeve... Y-you...you didn't...."

    "I did."

    "Why do you do these things for me, Reeve." It was anything but a question. Again he hesitated before resting his head on the other man's shoulder.

    Reeve not only allowed it, but he cupped the back of one hand over the back of his friend's head. Then, he began to sing along to the music, his voice low, almost whispering. "In the still....of the night...I held you...Held you tight....For I love...Love you so....Promise I'll never....Let you go....In the still of the night... ...... .....I remember.... That night in May.... The stars were bright above... I'll hope....And I'll pray... To keep your precious love... Well before... The light.... Hold me again... With all of your might... In the still of the night..."

    Tseng was crying, tears silently dripping down his face as the memory came back to him. The last time Reeve had held him like this and sang this song. It was the Shinra ball--the last one they would ever attend, and they danced on the balcony above the party, just swaying softly to the music, just as they were now. He gripped Reeve's shoulders tightly, trying to sniff back the emotion. Oh, how he never wanted to let go, but knew that he would have to.

    Reeve closed his eyes as the music floated around them. To hold Tseng this close, to feel him breathing against him, it made him so happy. And yet, he was so horribly depressed all at once. And the young man remained silent as Reeve began the last verse, singing even softer than before. "Well before.... The light... Hold me again... With all of your might.. In the still of the night..." His voice shook as the words ended, and he buried his head in his friend's neck and whispered, "Tseng?"

    As he looked up, Reeve saw the tears still trickling down the younger man's face. "Y-you...You made me cry, Reeve."

    He reached up, brushing away the tears and wrapping his hands around that pale throat, bending his friend's head back ever so slightly. Tseng sighed, lips slightly parted, as Reeve leaned forward and let their lips touch.

    It was stiff at first, no tongue, only two pairs of lips reuniting for the first time in far too long as they rediscovered what they had missed and what they had always longed for. Several short kisses, just testing, eyes closing as small whimpers escaped the younger man's throat. Reeve felt something he hadn't in a long time, something he had forgotten, and something he had never quite been able to explain. It wasn't love, no. It was something beyond words. Everything around them seemed to disappear, and it was as if every emotion he had was only in his lips.  He sucked a little at Tseng's lower lip as they finally parted, both breathing quickly and shallowly, feeling a bit dizzy. Then Tseng stumbled a few steps away, a hand going to his lips.

    "W-what was that?"

    "....It was a kiss." Reeve was still breathless.

    Tseng stared at him. "You kissed me."

    "I-I had to," Reeve blurted out.

     A harsh whisper,  "Do you realize you just cheated on your wife? You kissed me, Reeve! And it...and it was amazing."

    "I know."

    "Oh, why do you have to do this to me!!" Tseng exclaimed, hiding his eyes with his hand now. "You drive me crazy!"

    "I'm sorry, Tseng," Reeve apologized, coming over. "I don't know what I was thinking."

    The former Turk looked up at him, the rim of his eyes wet. "Well what are you thinking now?"

    "A-about how I am an idiot." He backed away. "Excuse me."

    Before Tseng could say a word, Reeve was gone again.


    Back pressed to the building, Cloud kissed Rufus more insistently, hands smoothing down his chest. The other man's eyes were squeezed tightly, his hands motionless at Cloud's waist. Lips wandered down to a lightly tanned neck, and Jenova blue eyes squeezed even more tightly shut, hands coming to grip broad shoulders.

    Then the spikey haired blonde pulled away. "Rufus."

    Eyes still shut, he managed an almost breathless, "what?"

    "Are you all right?"

    "Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine," he assured him, even though he didn't sound it.

    "Ru--" but Cloud was pulled into a kiss by his seemingly unwilling but ever insistent partner, and his words were cut off.

    And the two were kissing there, under the light of the moonlight when a set of footprints approached. "Ru-Rufus?"

    Instantly the two blondes separated, and Cloud turned to see who it was out here in the night. Rufus tried in vain to hide his face.

    It was Reeve, and the older man looked more than a little shocked. "Oh my god..."

    "Reeve..." Cloud breathed, not sure at all what to say. "Uh..."

    "I know about Cloud," said Reeve. "...but....Rufus..."

    "Oh my god..." Rufus muttered in utter embarrassment. "Oh my god..."

    "Rufus you never...*acted* like you were... I never imagined..." rattled Reeve.

    "Oh, how would you know if I'm bisexual or not?" Rufus snapped in defense, trying to quell his own embarrassment.

    Reeve hesitated for a moment before he admitted, "because I *am* bisexual."

    The jaws of both blondes nearly hit the ground.

    Cloud gaped, "I actually had no idea..."

    "Then what the hell are you doing married to Bria?!" Rufus cried.

    "I said I was *bi*sexual," Reeve countered, eyes flashing as he spoke. "Not *homo*sexual."

    "Whatever," snapped Rufus, snatching Cloud by the wrist. "Cloud and I were just leaving."

    "Rufus, wait!"

    But his efforts to make amends were ignored as Rufus dragged a very bewildered Cloud off towards the hotel.

    "What, is everyone in the world attracted to men?" he muttered with a sigh, crossing his arms and sitting down in defeat on a nearby rock. Bending his head back, he stared at the incredible starry night sky. Truly, Reeve could not remember any night as beautiful as this. The serene atmosphere put him more at ease with his tremulous mind. With a deep sigh he thought, what is going on here? I can't stop thinking about Tseng. I want him *so* badly, and Bria is fine with this. She wants me to *tell* him. Why is she encouraging this? No woman in her right mind would do such a thing, not even Bria. So then why is she? And what happened to Rufus?! Who is he trying to fool, himself, or Cloud? Maybe them both. Has he been pushed that far? I was there once too, only it was different. It turned out different. Shaking his head he put it down in his hands, trying to push back the flood of tears that threatened to escape. Why now, when everything was supposed to be so right, did everything seem so wrong?


    Tseng reentered the party, struggling to push all thoughts of Reeve aside. His eyes caught sight of Ben chatting on the other side of the room with Bria and Tifa, and the way the busty brunette was clearly flirting with him, he knew Ben obviously had made no effort yet to announce his sexual preference. But it was not his former boyfriend that Tseng was looking for at the party that night.

    It was Vincent Valentine, sitting alone at the bar, sulking over a drink. Drawing a shallow breath, he wove his way through the crowd until he had reached the older man's side. "Vincent Valentine."

    He turned, a sense of wonder in his crimson eyes. "Tseng Tyutiyuik. This is a surprise."

    Tseng said, "we have never formerly met, sir. The last time we met I really was in no condition to talk."

    "The Temple of the Ancients." He nodded. "I remember. And there is no reason to call me 'sir'."

    "I suppose you're right. We are no longer in Shinra." The younger man slipped into the abandoned seat besides him. "But I think, besides being Turks, we have a great deal to talk about."

    "Oh?" Vincent raised an eyebrow. "Do you care to elaborate?"

    Tseng only said one word. "Sephiroth."

    Crimson eyes widened to their limit before the tranquil look overcame the older man's face again. "Yes. You're right."

    A hint of a smile snuck up on Tseng's face. "Shall we get out of here?"

    "Agreed." Vincent stood, and two former Turks left the party together.


    "I've known your husband for.....ten years." Ben was talking to Bria and Tifa, a conversation which had mostly been friendly small talk. "I met him when I started dating Tseng."

    The brunette's face fell. "You dated Tseng?"

    He nodded. "For about two years. I wanted to marry him when Shinra legalized it, but... He's in love with someone else. Always will be. You know how that is."

    "Yeah." Tifa mumbled, pouting a little. "I also know how it feels to have the one you love in love with someone of the opposite sex."

    "Tifa?" questioned Bria.

    "Cloud's gay," she stated. "I never would have known until I walked in him and Vincent *fucking*." Crossing her arms she turned to Ben and told him, "Sorry. I'm still bitter about it. Especially about who he's with now."

    The other woman couldn't help but probe. "Who?"

    "Rufus."

    "What?" hissed Bria. "No. No way."

    "I know how Cloud acts around people he's in love with. ....It's how he's *never* acted around me, and how he acts around *Rufus* now."

    "No, no," Bria insisted. "Rufus isn't like that. I would know."

    The brunette shrugged her shoulders. "Well whether he is or not, he's with Cloud now." She reached up and wiped something from her eye. "Excuse me. I think I'm going to go back to the hotel now."

    "I'll come with you," the other woman offered, collecting her purse. "I want to see how the boys are."

    "It's been nice talking to you," Tifa said to Ben.

    "It's been a pleasure, ladies."

    "Come by for coffee sometime," Bria told him before she was swallowed by the crowd of people.

    "Thank you! I will!" Benjamin stuck his hands in his pocket and looked around. Tseng and Reeve had *both* disappeared. Before he could have any concrete thought, however, he heard someone calling his name.

    "Ben! Hey!" It was Reeve, shoving his way over, seeming a little out of breath. "Hey. Have you seen Tseng?"

    "No. I was just wondering where the two of you went." He paused before adding, "What happened?"

    "I made a mistake."

    "What *happened*?"

    "....Promise you won't say a *word* to anyone."

    "Who am I going to tell?"

    "I kissed him."

    Ben widened his hazel eyes. "What?! Why?!?"

    "Because..." the younger man ran a hand through his hair. "I wanted to."

    The accountant looked at him sternly. "Reeve, let me put this lightly: what the fuck is wrong with you?"

    "I don't know..." he moaned, the hand running over his face. "I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have. But I couldn't help it. You of all people should know what it's like to be in love with him."

    Ben blinked. "In love with--no. Reeve. Tell me you're kidding."

    "Would I kid about something like this?!"

    "You know, I can't say I'm entirely surprised. How long have you been hiding this?"

    The dark haired man sighed. "Unconsciously, fifteen years. Consciously, seven years."

    "Oh my god..." Ben exhaled in disbelief. "I am *so* tempted to curse you out right now, but you know I'm not like that."

    "You just don't like me."

    "I think it's the opposite way around," the other man snapped.

    "I'm just jealous!" Reeve defended himself.

    "Okay... Okay..." Shutting his eyes, and putting a hand to his head as if in pain, Ben took a deep breath and said, "let me get this straight. You love Tseng. I love Tseng. Tseng loves you. But you're married, to a *woman*, who, I might add, is very nice." He then relaxed, opening his eyes again. "What do you want, Reeve?"

    "I....I don't know." Turning away, Reeve added, "You don't understand."

    Benjamin stepped forward and placed a hand on the other man's shoulder. "I'm sorry. D-Does Bria know?"

    "Yes."

    "She does?!"

    "Yes. She could *tell*."

    "Oh god. Is she upset?"

    "That's the weird part. No."

    "Hm." Ben stepped away. "You know, Reeve, you're the one Tseng wants."

    Reeve squeezed his eyes shut. "I know."

    "Maybe you want to go somewhere else and talk about this?" Ben suggested.

    Reeve half nodded, wiping the beginnings of tears from his eyes. "Yeah. Yeah, okay."

    "Okay. Come on. Let's go this way."

    Ben led the way, and Reeve followed, hanging his head.


    Rufus was still trembling, gasping for breath and holding an equally sweaty and breathless Cloud Strife in a loose embrace. "Ow..." he moaned softly, his face contorted in pain. It was fading now, but it had been bad, just like the last time.

    The younger blonde looked up at him. "I hurt you."

    "No... No, it's fine." Rufus turned his face away.

    "I'm sorry. I kind of lost control."

    "It's all right." Still, he looked away.

    "No, it's not all right." Rufus could feel Cloud's breath on his ear. "I love you, Rufus."

    He shut his eyes. "Thanks." I needed to hear that. For awhile there I forgot why I made myself stand that. God, it hurts so much. I'm not comfortable like that, and I'm not attracted to him. But I'll do it. I have to. It's all I'll ever have. And I guess it feels good....sometimes. Even if I can't love him, he loves me. And that's all I want. I'm through trying to love. It doesn't work. Besides, he thought as he felt another stinging pain shoot up his spine, love is pain.


    The night sky glittered as Vincent and Tseng sat on a little out of the way hill, gazing up at the stars. The air was warm, but not without the chill of the wind.

    Tseng brushed some hair out of his face as he turned to Vincent and said, "I don't know what you know, or what you've heard."

    "All I know is that you have been together sexually." Vincent stated, turning to look at the other man he added, "and that is going only from assumptions."

  Cloud must have known and told Vincent, Tseng figured. "We never loved one another. What we had was a lust filled friendship. Towards the end we only used one another as an outlet for our frustrations. Still, he was a good friend of mine. And *god* did he love you. I was the only person he was with after you, and after me, he couldn't take the chance that someone else might fall in love with him when he couldn't love them back. It was lucky I never fell in love with Sephiroth. After you, I was the only one he could stand to be with intimately. I cared for him, but I didn't love him, so it was all right if he said your name."

    "He did?" Vincent blinked.

    "Yes. He did. We were quite a pair, saying the names of other people when we were with one another." A reflective smile crossed his lips. "I remember him saying once that even though he hadn't had you for long, he was grateful he was able to experience such mutual love. I think, sometimes, that's what kept him going."

    "My angel..." the older man whispered. "I too have never found it in my heart to love another. Not when I have already felt so complete."

    "There's more, Vincent." Reaching into his pocket, the former Turk continued. "Sephiroth wasn't sure if you were dead or alive, but, he said, should I ever meet up with Vincent Valentine, I was supposed to show him how much he loved him, and give him this." Tseng turned to Vincent and requested, gently, "Vincent, will you close your eyes?"

    Vincent let his crimson eyes meet up with black ones before he closed them, slowly, leaning back his head slightly.

    Then he was kissed, something simultaneously pressed into his palm. And even though, in the far reaches of his mind, he *knew* it was not Sephiroth he was kissing, it certainly *felt* like it. It was in the movement of the lips and tongue, and Vincent moaned softly as he returned it, a familiar feeling pulsing through his veins like he hadn't felt in years. He didn't want it to go away; didn't want it to end. Knew that even if it *wasn't* Sephiroth, it *felt* like him, and that was all he needed after so long. He felt a familiar sensation pulse through his veins, and the former Turk never wanted to forget this feeling again.

    But Tseng did pull away, leaving Vincent gasping, eyes still closed. After a minute or even more, the old crimson eyes finally drifted open to see Tseng looking at him intently. "....that-that was amazing," he breathed, once he was finally able to regain his voice. "You kiss almost exactly like him."

    "Only when I want to," he admitted. "You, Vincent, are the only one I would ever kiss like that."

    "I.....I felt it again." He met eyes with Tseng and wouldn't let go. "You made me remember. It's not hard to forget a feeling, but it's hard to relive it."

    "I know what it's like to love someone," Tseng said. "I also know what it's like to lose that person. Even if...even if it wasn't the same."

    "You love Reeve," Vincent stated. "Don't you."

    The other man shied away. "Open your hand."

    Vincent brought his human hand before him, and slowly uncurled his fingers. And as the object was revealed to his eyes a look of shock came over him. "The....the ring."

    "A replica actually," Tseng said softly, watching Vincent's reaction intently. "He had this one made special so that if you were still alive..."

    The gothic man slipped the ring on his finger in wonder, watching his own hand as if it couldn't be real. "It fits." Looking up, his eyes met the eyes of the younger man. "I...I have no words right now."

    A small smile crossed his lips. "I understand."

    "Just..." Vincent was looking down again, his voice low. "After all you've just done for me... I have one more small request."

    "What is it?" His eyes never left Vincent.

    He looked up again, the beginning of tears glittering in crimson eyes. "Just kiss me again. Just like he used to. It...It makes me happy again."

    The stars sparkled even more brightly in the sky as the younger man, leaned over, cupping a pale cheek as he whispered before capturing parted lips, "I envy you."


    "Do you think you could punch me?" Reeve was in the hotel room Ben and Tseng were sharing, sitting on the bed while the other man poured them each a drink. "I really think that would make me feel a lot better."

    Chuckling, Ben handed the younger man his glass before taking a seat besides him. "I'm tempted, but I don't think I'll hurt you anyway."

    Reeve laughed and sipped his drink. "You're right you know. I am out of my fucking mind."

    "I want to know why you dumped him if you love him," Ben said simply.

    Sighing, he said, "that's the million dollar question, isn't it." Taking a sip of his drink, Reeve took a breath and said, "it was right. At the time...with Shinra... It made sense. I wanted to take Shinra down, Tseng wouldn't help me-- Bria and I thought the same. I had a one track mind then-- all I thought about was destroying the company. And so...that's why I picked her." With another sigh, he added, "I didn't think about the future. I never did." He looked into his glass, swirling the liquid around as he bitterly added, "that's why my life always get fucked up."

    Ben was looking straight ahead as he commented, "I am so tempted to lie to you right now."

    "Huh?" The dark haired man turned.

    Still looking ahead, the accountant continued. "I am so tempted to tell you to keep hiding your feelings and to stay with your wife, but..." Turning to Reeve, he added, "I can't do that. No way. You have to tell him how you feel. You *have* to. It's not even a god damn choice." Hazel eyes intent he concluded, "because if you don't tell him, Reeve. I sure as hell will."

    Reeve didn't say anything, and instead he only looked away.

    "You can't do that to him. You owe him enough to tell him, even if you don't want him."

    "I do want him," he said softly. "That's my problem. I want him, and I can't have him because I made my choice." He looked up, meeting eyes with the older man as he continued. "I have *kids* with her. I can't leave her. There's no way."

    "Do you still love her?" Ben asked gently.

    "Yes." The answer was immediate. "I really do, it's just that--my love for her seems like nothing next to my love for Tseng." Reeve put his head in his hands, shaking his head as he sighed, "god, I hate myself."

    "Stop it." Ben placed a hand on his back. "Don't talk like that, Reeve. You're a good guy. Just tell him how you feel. It will make you feel better, I promise."

    Reeve lifted his head, and looked at Ben, meeting his eyes. "Promise me something."

    "What?"

    "Promise me that when you marry him, you'll make him the happiness guy in the world."

    The other man hesitated a good long time, and for a moment it looked as though he was going to say something else. Finally he replied. "That's *if*. And I'll try my best. You know I love him. It's just that....he doesn't love me back."

    Reeve had to look away.


    It was nearly dawn before Reeve returned home again. Bria was asleep quite peacefully as he entered and sat at the foot of the bed, heaving a sigh and running his hands through his hair. He removed his glasses and shoes, turning back to look at his sleeping wife. What is wrong with me? He thought, getting up and shedding his jacket. Can't I made one decision that I'm completely happy with? He undid his tie.

    "Where have you been?"

    He jumped at the sound of Bria's voice, but tried to hide it as he failed to turn around. "I was talking."

    "With Tseng?"

    "No. I was talking to Ben."

    "Oh. That's nice." A pause, then she asked, "did you tell Tseng you love him?"

    He shuddered, the fact that she took this all so easily still bothering him a great deal. "No."

    "Did you have a nice dance at least?"

    Both fists clenched, Reeve spun and practically snapped at her as he admitted, "I kissed him, okay? I didn't mean to, but I did. I-I couldn't help it."

    She sat up. "Reeve, if you don't tell him you love him--"

    "What is wrong with you!?" he cried, throwing his shirt to the ground in frustration. "I tell you I kissed another person--and another *man* at that, and you're fine with it?! Why aren't you yelling at me?! You should be furious. We just had *kids* together, and you're fine with me *cheating* on you! God!" He ran a hand through his hair as he began to pace. "This is so wrong!"

    "It doesn't bother me..." she said calmly, "because...well, it *can't*. It's not fair if it does." Bria looked away as Reeve looked at her.

    "Do you still love Rufus?" he asked almost cautiously.

    She still refused to look at him as she said once again, "just tell him how you feel, Reeve. Don't worry about me."

    "Don't worry about you?! We're *married*! We have two kids sleeping in the next room!"

    "Just don't worry about me!" Her voice had a firm edge to it. "Do what your heart wants, Reeve. Really. I...I understand how you feel."

    "Do you love Rufus?" he demanded again. "Do you still love him? Bria--it's okay, you can tell me if you do. I won't get mad."

    "Just go to sleep. We can talk this over later." She then lay down again, going back to sleep.

    Reeve let out a frustrated sigh, running a hand over his face. Just when I had it all figured out, it all gets complicated again, he thought warily. But for now I know what to do. And, as I always have, I'll worry about the future later.
 
 

   Translation:

    Dieu, je vous veux-------God, I want you. (French)
Fille-----------------------------whore (French)
Oh dieu, je vous veux si mauvais...---------------------Oh God, I want you so bad. (french)
Ce devrait être moi.-------------------------That should be me. (french)