It all started one bright March 9th afternoon…
~*The Great Birthday Ramble*~
(In Loserland, Scarlet and Nida are arguing on the couch, Heiddeggar is dancing about, and Hojo is concocting some pink potion.)
Heideggar: "Gya ha
HA! Gya ha HA!"
Scarlet: "Stop that,
ya stupid fruit tart!"
Hojo: "Will you imbeciles
quiet down?!"
Nida: "This sucks!
What are you doing anyway?"
Hojo: "alright, gather
around everybody." *picks up a flask full of pink "lemonade" and gathers
everyone in the center of the room* "This right here is going to be my
greatest accomplishment ever!"
(cut to Lark on the couch in the Ramble Room)
Lark: *gluing one last popsicle stick on her house* "Woohoo! It's done! My greatest accomplishment ever!"
(cut back to Loserland)
Nida: "So what does
it do? Can I taste it?"
Hojo: "No, you fool!
I must explain. According to my research, today is the birthday of Amy."
Nida: "Which one's
that?"
Hojo: "The ditzy one.
Now stop interrupting! As I was saying, the plan is quite simple. We send
this potion to her in the form of a birthday present. When she drinks it,
all she will think about is her birthday-"
Nida: "But wouldn't
she be doing that anyway? I mean, I know that when it's my birthday I can't
think of much else…" *frown* "Even if nobody else remembers." *bitter mumbling*
"But they all remembered Squall's birthday…"
Hojo: "hush, little
boy." *pause* "Little boy…" *a sick smile curls on his lips*
Heiddeggar: "Gya ha
ha, a birthday! You can eat the candles on the cake, gya ha!"
Scarlet: "yeah, while
they're still lit, freak."
Hojo: "All of you,
hush! Now then, Amy will have nothing but presents and sweets on the brain.
She will want me as a present, and after I am delivered and I take over
the Ramble Room, she will gorge on cake and cookies and lose all her beauty
and charm! Mwa ha ha ha ha!"
Heiddeggar: "Gya ha
ha! I can give her Sir Stringy IV, gya ha ha!"
Scarlet: "Ugh, I don't
wanna know." *shudder*
Hojo: "Mwa ha ha!
Now we all have to do is deliver this to the Ramble Room and wait for the
takeover!"
(So Hojo wraps the
little bottle in a pretty red package and they head off to the Ramble Room.)
OUTSIDE THE RAMBLE
ROOM…
(The losers are hiding
in some bushes, waiting for the coast to be clear. But there is one obstacle
in the way- Reeve and Tseng making out on the porch swing.)
Hojo: *licks lips*
"Heh heh heh…"
Scarlet: "Hm, I wonder
if they need a third…"
Nida: >.< "Ack!
I don't need to see this!"
Heiddeggar: *eating
some dirt* "Gya ha ha! The grass is green!"
Hojo: *shakes himself*
"I must get them out of here!" *throws pebbles at them*
Reeve: "Ow."
Tseng: "Oh sorry."
*blushes*
Reeve: "No, I think
something hit me."
Tseng: "Do you think
anyone's watching?"
Reeve: "No, but just
in case, let's continue this in my room." *wink*
(So they go upstairs
and the losers come out of the bushes.)
Hojo: "Now's the perfect
opportunity. Let's go!"
(All four walk/saunter/run/waddle
up to the door and Hojo places the present on the "Cool People Only" mat.
He rings the bell and they start to run, but…)
Heiddeggar: "*spots
the door knocker* "Gya ha ha, shiny!" *puts his mouth on it*
Amy: *opens the door*
"Ew, you fat old skeeve!" *grabs the present and slams the door*
Heiddeggar: *still
eating the knocker* "Gya ha ha, tasty!"
(Just then, Jackie
and Michelle walk by chatting.)
Michelle: *stops right
in the middle of her sentence* "…Yeah, and that."
Jackie: "Heiddeggar??"
Heiddeggar: "Gya ha
ha!" *tries to eat Jackie's shirt in a not-so-convenient place*
Jackie: "Ew, weird
old perv!" *smack*
(The two girls run
inside.)
INSIDE…
(Amy is sitting on
the couch next to Lark examining the package. Mish and Jackie run by screaming,
but they don't seem to notice.)
Lark: "So go ahead
and open it, Amy."
Amy: "But I don't
even know who it's from!"
Lark: "Oh, it's probably
from Jake." *wink*
Amy: *blushes* "Then
maybe I shouldn't open it in front of you."
Lark: "No, c'mon!"
Amy: "Well, ok…" *cautiously
unwraps the box and pulls out the small pink bottle*
Lark: "What kind of
crappy birthday present is that?!?!"
Amy: *reads the label*
"Drink me…" *starts to sing* "Amy in Wonderland…" *eyes gloss over*
Lark: >smack< "This
is bootleg. Take a sip, see what it tastes like."
Amy: "Okay!" ^_^ *takes
a small sip* "Yummy! Tastes like pink lemonade!"
Lark: "Oh, let me
try!"
Amy: "No, it's my
present!" *downs the rest like a shot and sets the bottle back down* "^_^
Hee hee!"
Lark: *put* "I'm gonna
go find something to do."
Amy: *frowns* "Don't
I get a party?"
Lark: "Oh, good point.
Stay here and I'll go round up some people and plan. TTF!" *skips out*
Amy: "Goody!" ^_^
½ HOUR LATER…
(Lark has assembled
Sephiroth, Irvine, Cloud, Zell, Shell, Rude, Reno, and Rufus in the Ramble
Room. Michelle and Jackie are cowering in a corner, clinging together.)
Lark: "Alright, listen
up. Since it's Amy's birthday-"
Sephiroth: "She didn't
ask for me in a big red bow, did she?" *sweatdrops*
Lark: *rolls eyes*
"No."
Sephiroth: "Good,
cuz I don't do big red bows."
Lark: "Alright, quiet
now. Anyway, since it's Amy's birthday, we're gonna throw her a party and
everybody's gonna have fun or else. -_- Sephiroth, you and Irvine are in
charge of decorations. You better make this room look good or you'll be
sorry. Zell, you and Cloud are in charge of food…um, just don't eat it
all." *sweatdrops*
Zell: "This party's
gonna kick ass!"
Lark: *head in her
hands* "Oh g-d…"
Shell: "So then what
are you gonna do?"
Lark: "I'm not finished
yet!" *ahem* "Now then…Reno and Rufus are in charge of getting presents.
Shell and Rude, you make the guest list."
Rude: "But Lark, wouldn't
that just be everyone in the Ramble Room?"
Lark: "Just make the
freakin' guest list! And invitations too…with a catchy party message. ^_^"
Jackie: "Should we
tell them that there'll be punch and pie too?" *rolls eyes*
Lark: *blink blink*
Jackie: "What? More
people will come if they think we have punch & pie!"
Lark: *blink blink*
Shell: "Yeah, okay,
so what will *you* be doing, Lark?"
Lark: "Supervising."
^_^
Shell: "That is such
crap!"
Lark: "Tough, now
everybody get to work!!!"
(So everyone hurries
along to start working.)
Lark: "Jackie and
Mish, I need you guys to keep Amy entertained while we set up. This is
gonna be a surprise."
Michelle: "But, um,
doesn't she already know about it?"
Lark: "Why do you
people ask so many questions?!"
Michelle: "Eep." 0.0
Jackie: *sigh* "Okay,
Mish. You get the proscenium arch, I'll get the socks."
Michelle: "Can I get
the chipmunks and a gallon of fruit juice too??"
Jackie: "No!" >smack!<
MEANWHILE, IN AMY'S
ROOM…
(Amy is sitting on
the floor, with a pink orb of light around her. Her eyes are glossed over
in a daze.)
Amy: "Shiny…birthday…must
eat cake…must have Hojo…"
>knock knock knock!<
Jackie: *flouncing
in with Mish behind her* "Hi Amy! ^_^ We are here to entertain!"
Amy: *blink blink*
"Do you guys have any cake with you?"
Jackie: *thinks for
a moment* "No…"
Michelle: "Amy, are
you feeling okay? You look…radioactive."
Amy: *glossy-eyed*
"I'm fine…"
Michelle: *inches
away slowly*
Jackie: *shrug* "Oh
well." *starts setting up the little puppet-show theatre*
Michelle: *gasp* *whispers
to Jackie* "Oh no, I completely forgot to get Amy her present! What am
I gonna do?"
Jackie: "I don't know.
You could run out and get it now. I'll keep Amy entertained, she's a simple-minded
creature."
Michelle: "But I don't
know what to get her."
Jackie: "Ask around,
you'll think of something. Now go, before you run out of time."
Michelle: "Ok, ok."
*gets up to leave and runs into Lark* "Oh, Lark, glad you're here. So you
have any idea what I could get Amy for her birthday?"
Lark: *thinks for
a moment. A smile spreads across her face*
Michelle & Jackie:
*blink blink* *stare at her*
Lark: *comes back
to reality* *cough, ahem* *sweatdrops* "Oh, um, I have no clue."
Michelle: *garden
snap* "Oh well. I'll be back later though." *goes off on a hunt for Amy's
present*
Lark: *stares at Jackie*
"Um, what's with the sock puppets?"
Jackie: "Oh, I'm trying
to entertain Amy."
Lark: "Oh, lemme watch!"
*sits down and claps like a 5-year-old*
AT THE STORE…
(Michelle is wandering
around the electronics section of the store, looking for any inspiration
at all.)
Michelle: *picks up a digital camera and the flash goes off* "@_@ okay maybe not…" *keeps looking, bumping into random things*
BACK IN THE RAMBLE
ROOM…
(Everyone is "busy"
getting ready for the party. Sephiroth has decorated the entire room in
black and silver streamers and balloons while Irvine desperately tries
to scotch tape "Pin the Tail on the Donkey" to a wall. Cloud, all liquored
up, is in the kitchen baking a cake while Zell licks the empty batter bowl
clean. Shell and Rude are sitting on the couch making a guest list, and
Rufus and Reno are our getting presents.)
Sephiroth: "Mwa ha
ha! I will become one with the streamers!"
Irvine: *failing once
again to tape the donkey up* "dammit! Wouldn't a piñata have been
easier?!"
Cloud: "Now all I
have to do is let the seven tiers cool and I can frost it. And then I can
add the confectionate butterfly garden replica."
Zell: *stuffing the
first tier in his mouth* "This cake kicks ass!"
Cloud: *gasp* *sweatdrops*
"Oh Jenova, my beautiful masterpiece!" *faints*
Shell: "So how bout
'Come to Amy's party with lots of presents for Shell'? You like that one,
Rude?"
Rude: "But Shell,
shouldn't the presents be for *Amy*?"
Shell: *sigh* "Details,
details…"
Rude: "How about 'You're
invited to Amy's party, filled with fluffy bunnies and hearts and rainbows'?"
Shell: -_- "That's
so dumb! This is supposed to be catchy! Alright, new one – "Party up with
Amy. Admission-"
Rude: "What are you
talking about? There's no admission! We don't even have a proper guestlist!"
Shell: *lightbulb*
"I got it, Rude, I got it! 'Amy's Slam Dance Hut: price of admission –
a tube top!"
Rude: "Better than
anything we've come up with so far."
Shell: "Perfect! And
when you open up the invitation there can be flashing lights and a discoball
and…" *keeps going*
Rude: *sweatdrops*
(Just then, Lark comes flouncing in, but stops dead in her tracks when she sees the disfunctional party planners being…well…disfunctional.)
Lark: "What the @#$%
is this?!?!"
Sephiroth: "I will
become one with the party decorations! Mwa ha ha ha ha!"
Lark: *smack* "This
is a disaster! Ugh, I can't trust you people to do anything!"
Sephiroth: "So is
that a 'no' on becoming one with the party?" >_0
Lark: "A big 'no'"
*sigh* "We need to get this straightened out. First of all, Zell, STOP
EATING OUR *BLEEP*ING PARTY FOOD!!!" *ahem* "Now then…Sephiroth, I want
you to get rid of all these dark depressing decorations and make the room
look *pretty*…with lotsa pink." *evil smile*
Sephiroth: *gulp*
*sweatdrops*
Lark: "And Irvine,
honey, maybe a thumb tack would hold that up better."
Irvine: *sniffle*
"Okay."
Lark: *lightbulb*
"Wait, get rid of that alltogether. I have a better game." *whispers something
to him* "Now then, have you figured our the guest list and made the invitations,
Shell?"
Shell: "Yeah." *hands
her the list*
Lark: *reads it over*
"But Shell, you and Rude are the only two on here."
Shell: "Yeah, well,
I figured the rest of you weren't cool enough to come."
Lark: "She~ll!!! Redo
this!" *throws it back at her*
Shell: "*mumble mumble
fine mumble ungrateful bitch grumble*" *scribbles on it for a minute and
hands it back to her*
Lark: "Alright…me,
Shell, Rude, Sephy, Irvine, Michelle, Jackie, Seifer, Reno, Reeve, Tseng,
Cloud, Zell, Squall, Rinoa, Barret, Cid, Red, Nida…Nida?! EW!"
Shell: *rolls her
eyes and crosses Nida's name out*
Lark: "Rufus, Quistis…"
*etc* "Well, that's better. Now what about the invitations?"
Shell: "That's the
best part! The invitations have a disco theme, with flashing lights and
a multi-colored floor and even a disco ball! Show her what you did, Rude."
Rude: *sheepishly
holds up his failed artwork- a piece of white looseleaf dripping with glue,
with some copper wire, confetti, and silver glitter scattered all around…just
think of it as elf puke*
Shell: "No! My beautiful
visions! You suck, Rude!"
Lark: *impatient sigh*
"Fix this before tonight or else you'll be banished to Loserland. That
goes for the rest of you too!" *stomps out*
MEANWHILE, BACK AT
THE STORE…
(Rufus and Reno are
shopping around, looking for things that Amy would like (yeah, like that's
hard… ^_^)
Rufus: "What are we
looking for again?"
Reno: "Anything shiny
that would keep Amy's attention for five minutes."
Rufus: "Oh, right."
>_0
Reno: *picks up a
really small, form-fitting T-shirt* "Heh heh, I bet she'll like this…"
Rufus: *head in his
hands* "You're an idiot…"
Michelle: *spots Rufus
and glomps him* "Tee hee! ^_^ Hi Rufus! What are you doing here?"
Rufus: "Shopping for
Amy's birthday presents."
Michelle: "Oh how
thoughtful!"
Rufus: "Lark made
me do it."
Michelle: "Oh…well
what do you have so far?"
Rufus: "That's the
problem, we don't know what to get her."
Michelle: "Me neither.
Hey, maybe we could help each other! Between the two of us we can think
of something."
Reno: "Hey, what about
me?"
Michelle: "Bite me!"
Rufus: "Alright, I
could definitely use the help. But Reno has to come along and help, otherwise
Lark'll kick his ass for being lazy, and that's my job."
Michelle: *exasperated
sigh* "Fine…" *rolls eyes*
Rufus: Alright…well
I guess we should brainstorm first. Any ideas?"
Reno: "Sexy lingerie."
Michelle and Rufus:
"No." _
Reno: "Porn."
Michelle and Rufus:
"No." _
Reno: "Booze."
Michelle: "This isn't
your birthday, jackass!"
Reno: "You're right,
otherwise I'd ask for you in a pink bow ^_~"
Michelle: >smack!<
"Skeeve! No way!"
Reno: "Damn, then
I'm outta ideas…"
Michelle: *standing
in the electronics department* "Maybe we should walk around the store,
then we can pick something out."
Reno: *picks up some
random CDs and stuffs them in his coat* "Sounds good, let's go…"
(So they go off and have a good hour of solid shopping *fozzlerific* fun ^_^)
AWHILE LATER…
(Lark is just about
to go back in the Ramble Room and face the disaster of a party when Michelle,
Rufus, Reno return. Rufus and Reno are loaded down with bags, but Michelle
is empty handed.)
Lark: "Oh, how did
you guys make out?"
Reno: "We didn't."
*frowns*
Rufus: "She means
the shopping! We did pretty well actually. Got a bunch of great stuff."
Michelle: *bitter
mumbling* "Yeah, well hooray for you. *I* on the other hand was very unsuccessful.
I couldn't find anything nice within a reasonable price range. Trowa wasn't
even in the guns 'n' arms section like he usually is. The $.99 bin was
way too expensive, and she's not worth a piece of plastic junk anyway.
It'd probably just break and then she'd blame me for being a crappy sister."
Lark: "But you are
a crappy sister."
Michelle: *sobs* "Don't
remind me!"
Lark: "Speaking of
crappy sister…I was just going to check on mine to see how she's doing
with the invitations…among the others…" *sweatdrops*
(She swings the door to the Ramble Room open and…………………………*TADA* IT'S GORGEOUS! The whole place is decorated in a fiesta-like pink and orange theme. There is a big 17-tier birthday cake in one corner by the kitchen and a whole mess of other food displayed on the counter. Mya's "Free" I blasting from the stereo. And the high point, "Pin the Cottontail on the Bunny", is hung on the wall! ^_^)
Lark: *thoroughly impressed*
"Wow, you guys really *don't* suck at this whole party thing! Sephy, these
decorations are *beautiful*!"
Michelle: *twitch*
Sephiroth: *smug grin*
"Thanks."
Irvine: *elbows him*
"I'm the one who decorated it!"
Sephiroth: "Thas cuz
we had to switch jobs cuz you're a spastic moron who couldn't scotch-tape
or thumbtack a stupid game board to the wall! Even the 5-year-olds who
play this game could figure it out!"
Irvine: *sobs in frustration*
Lark: *sweatdrops*
*eyes the cake* "Wow, Zell, that looks delicious! And you managed not to
eat it!"
Zell: *fist in the
air* "Yeah! Thas cuz it's rum cake!"
Cloud: *walks into
the cake* "Ow." *backs out covered in frosting*
Lark: >.< "Lemme
guess…you used Cloud's rum to make it…"
Zell: "Yeah! But it's
worth it cuz this cake kicks *ass* baby! Any what!"
Lark: "Well, nice
job. And…Shell? Did you make those invitations yet?" *squeezes her eyes
shut in preemptive disappointment*
Shell: "Yeah, they
came out really good!" *holds one out to her*
Lark: *opens one eye
cautiously, but once again (surprisingly enough) the invitations are really
cute!* "Oh wow! These are great!"
(On the front, it has "Come to Amy's Slam Dance Hut" in shiny pink letters. On the inside, in the same letters, it says "Price of Admission: A Birthday Present!". But the best part is that there are pieces of colored cellophane on the bottom to make the lit multi-colored club floor, and a circle of silver glitter for the disco ball, and stick figures of Disco Stu, Disco Mike, and Disco Betty in the middle.)
Shell: "Thanks!"
Lark: "I never knew
that you had artistic talent!"
Shell: "I don't! Me
and Rude dropped $100 at the poster place down the street to get these
made."
Rude: Actually it
was my $100 dollars, Shell."
Shell: "Yeah, whatever."
*throws her arms around his neck* "Isn't he the greatest?!"
Lark: "Yeah…" *looks
through the bags Rufus and Reno are holding- there's perfume, makeup, and
loads of really really cute clothes! ^_^ (great, now she can look *and*
smell like a whore!)* "Wow, even the gifts don't suck! And I sent *Rufus
and Reno* to get them! ^_^ This is gonna be the best birthday party ever!
You guys round everyone else up and I'll go get Amy!"
(She heads upstairs (well, sorta, there's no technical "upstairs") and slowly opens the door to Amy's room. Amy is sitting surrounded by an intense magenta glow. Her eyes are pink and wide-open, glossed over.)
Amy: "Hee hee hee…birthday
cake…presents…"
Lark: *starts to lead
her out, with Jackie-the-babysitter following* "Yes, we have all of that
downstairs for you, c'mon!"
(The three enter the Ramble Room…and that's when Hell breaks loose. Amy, seeing the cake, goes wild.)
Amy: "BIRTHDAY CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!!!!!!"
*dives into it and devours it* "Fwa ha ha!" *wolfs down all the chips and
snacks on the counter as everyone else looks on with horror-stricken expressions*
Michelle: "Gee, maybe
I shoulda gotten her a treadmill…"
Amy: "Gya!" *dives
for Cloud and starts licking the frosting off of him*
Michelle: "Hey, wait
a minute! _ I know it's her birthday and all but really…"
Sephiroth: "Ack, she's
gone mad! Stop her!"
(Some of the guys manage to tie her down to one of the chairs for "Jammin' Homie Rollin'" (created so lovingly by Barret as a substitute for musical chairs). She is screaming frantically.)
Amy: "Where are my
birthday presents?!?!"
Rufus: *points to
the other table loaded with packages*
Reno: "Screw the presents,
we need a priest!"
Amy: "I know what
I want for my birthday. I WANT HOJO!"
*thunderbolt*
(The door slowly creaks open to reveal Hojo evilly standing there with Heiddeggar, Scarlet, and Nida standing behind him.)
Hojo: "You called for
me, my sweet?"
Amy: *tries to run
to him but is held back by her chains*
Scarlet: *saunters
over to Reno* "Great party, but I'm a better one." *hands him her card
and winks*
Reno: "Ew…dirty skank…"
Nida: *glares at Squall*
"Well hello again *Squall*…"
Squall: *rolls his
eyes* "Whatever."
Heiddeggar: *chewing
on the cotton balls for "Pin the Cottontail on the Playboy Bunny" (the
crossed out part was initially courtesy of Reno -_-;;)* "Gya ha ha, fluffy!!!"
Hojo: "You idiots!
Get back behind me so that I can look evil while I take over the Ramble
Room!"
Reno: *zones out and
starts looking through his stolen CDs* "Sarah McLachlan, Leigh-Ann Rimes…"
Lark: "Ugh, I shoulda
known you were behind this!!!"
Reno: "…Fame, Eminem…"
Hojo: "Mwa ha ha!"
Reno: "…Mandy Moore,
Reba MacIntire…"
Lark: "Tell me the
antidote or else!"
Hojo: "Or else what?!"
Lark: "Or else I'll
have Sephiroth impale you on the Masamune!"
Sephiroth: *hiding
under Irvine's jacket, shivering and whimpering like a kicked little puppy*
Reno: "…Now 4, Lil'
Kim, Dream…"
Reeve: "Reno, not
now!!"
Hojo: "Fwa ha ha!
It's useless!"
Reno: "…Ace of Base,
Aerosmith, Julio Inglesias…"
Hojo: "The antidote
is that new Aerosmith CD which no one would have because Aerosmith sucks!
Fwa ha ha! It's hopeless!"
Reno: "…Spice Girls,
Lit…geh! Half this stuff sucks!"
Reeve: "wait, Reno,
go back."
Reno: "Spice Girls?"
Reeve: "No, before
that."
Reno: "Reebe MacIntire?"
Reeve: "No, after,
after!!!"
Reno: "Aerosmith?"
Reeve: "YES!!!"
Michelle: "Give me
that!" *dives for the CD* "Here ya go, Amy, happy birthday! Isn't this
present the greatest?! I picked it out myself!!" ^_^
Amy: *fading in and
out of conciousness*
Reeve: "Quick, give
it to me!" *turns the volume way up and puts the headphones over Amy's
head and…*
Don don DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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(subliminal message:
pink bubbly jello moo sheep ^_^)
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*majestically* And
so, with the push of a button, Amy was magically cured! Then, after a lengthy
explanation as to what happened, they all chilled like villains and enjoyed
the rest of the party. As always, everything turned out for the best in…
*THE END*
Note: It took me forever to write this for Amy! ^_^ But she really seemed to like it. And yes I got her Aerosmith's "Just Push Play" for her birthday and she loves it ^_^ I put the last part in the CD case, it was a cute little catch. I'm the greatest sister in the world ^_~
Lark: "Hahahahaha! Michelle, you rock! That was *so* funny!" ^_^