Rinoa and Seifer's Story
Note: Jackie's not a big Rinoa fan :(

Rinoa: "Oh, Squall! I love you! I'm so glad we're together!"
Squall: "Whatever."
Rinoa: "What do you mean 'whatever'?!"
Squall: "Well, I just can't forget about what Seifer said. What did he mean 'last summer'?"
Rinoa: "Uh, well, I, uh....*cough*..."
Squall: "What did you do last summer, Rinoa?"
Irvine: "Oh come on, Squall! That girls like a doorknob! Everybody gets a turn!"
Selphie: "Hey! How do you know?!"
Irvine: "Uh, that's just what I heard! Don't worry, babe. You're the only one for me!"
Zell: "Shut the @#!X&^ up you guys! I wanna hear her talk her way outta this one!"
Squall: "Well?"
(Seifer walks in)
Seifer: "Yeah, Rinoa. Tell him about all our 'fond memories' *wink wink*."
Rinoa: "Hey, shut up!"
Quistis: "Man, I hope she has a real good excuse, cause Squall looks kinda pissed...."
Squall: "Don't make me ask Seifer. What did you do?"
Rinoa: "Oh, Squall! I didn't even know you! Just cause you haven't laid a hand on me doesn't mean nobody else has!"
Selphie: "Oh dear."
Irvine: "See? Told ya!"
Zell: "Damn! SHUT UP already!"
Seifer: "Those sorceresses are all the same. The love ya and leave ya!"
Rinoa: "Would you keep out of this?"
Seifer: "Ooh. Didn't hear a lot of *that* last summer..."
Squall: "I hope he doesn't mean what it *sounded* like!"
Seifer: "Hey, Squall! Wanna know how we met?"
*Squall receieved March Issue of "Girl Next Door"!*
Seifer: "Check out the centerfold!"
Rinoa: "Squall, don't do it! Give that to me!"
Squall: (opens magazine) "You've gotta be freakin kidding me....you're Miss March?!"
Quistis: "Uh oh...."
Zell: *laughs* "This is better than WB Tuesday nights!"
Seifer: "But you still don't know what we did last summer..." *grin*
Rinoa: "I'm gonna slap that stupid grin off your face!!"
Seifer: "Remember the sex on the beach?"
Squall: "WHAT?!"
Selphie: "Oh! I think I'm going to hurl! Irvine! Give me your hat!"
Irvine: "Eww! No way!"
Rinoa: "Of course! Bring up the ONE TIME I had an alcoholic drink!"
Everyone but Rinoa and Seifer: "Whew!"
Squall: "Tell me the truth!!!"
Rinoa: "Ok, I'll admit it! We did it! You happy now?! We hopped on the good foot and did the bad thing! We shagged! We got jiggy with it! But as I recall, it wasn't a 'fond memory'!"
Seifer: "Excuse me?"
Rinoa: "I've had better."
Irvine: "Wow! That was cold!"
Zell: "Woah, that was harsh! Even if it was Seifer!"
Quistis: "No wonder he was always smiling! He gets laid once and acts like a big shot! Uh, it *was* only once, right, Rinoa?"
Rinoa: "Of course it was! I wouldn't go through *that* again for all the hotdogs in Garden!"
Seifer: "B*tch!" (runs out crying like a baby)
Rinoa: "I'm sorry, Squall, I was just afraid to tell you."
Squall: "Well, what you said to him made me feel a *little* better..."
Irvine: "Hey, Selphie, getting any ideas?" (puts his arm around her)
Selphie: "As a matter of fact, yes." *smiles*
Irvine: "Really!?!"
Selphie: "No." (pushes him)
Irvine: *sigh*
Rinoa: "Can you ever forgive me, Squall?"
Squall: "Well.....no!"
Rinoa: "Huh?!"
Squall: "I'm leaving you for that girl with the pigtail!"
Rinoa: "No!"
Squall: "Just kidding!"
*Everyone laughs*
Rinoa: "Oh, good! Hey, you know what?"
Squall: "What?"
Rinoa: "I think you're better than Seifer. Wanna prove it?" *wink, wink*
Squall: "Whatever."
*They leave for the dorms*

THE END

Quistis v. Rinoa

Rinoa: "Hey, Squall! I kind of get the feeling that Quistis doesn't like me..."
Squall: "Whatever...gives you that idea?"
Rinoa: "Well, she keeps calling me a crack whore, and the other day she tried to push me off the Ragnarok while it was moving over the ocean..."
Squall: *trying not to laugh* "She was probably just kidding."
(Quistis storms in, whip in hand)
Quistis: "THAT'S IT! I can't take it anymore! Squall I *do* love you! The only way we can be together is if I kill Rinoa!"
Rinoa: (jumps up, weapon ready) "I've tried to be nice, but now I'm pissed!"
Angelo: "Grr"
Quistis: "Bring it on, b*tch! *pause* Both of you!"
Squall: "Uh, is there anyway we could do this without..."
Rinoa: "Squall, this is the one time you *should* shut up!"
   Quistis: "Don't talk to my Squall like that!"
Rinoa: "Whose gonna stop me? Huh? You're a crappy instructor!"
Quistis: (cracks whip) "And *you're* a stupid slut! At least I didn't sleep with Seifer!"
Rinoa: "Sic her, Angelo!"
(Angelo jumps at Quistis and Quistis whips her)
Angelo: "Yelp! Wimper!"
(Angelo runs out of the room)
Quistis: "You're such a pain in the @$$! If it wasn't for you, we wouldn't have had to go to space and Adel wouldn't have been released and we wouldn't have had to fight Ultimecia! Squall should have killed you when he had the chance!"
Rinoa: "Oh yeah! Well if you hadn't tried to apologize to me, then....oh. Wait a minute. Um...well, if you hadn't been such a bad instructor, then...uh..Seifer might not have turned out so bad!"
Quistis: "Oh...! Sluts who live in glass whore houses shouldn't throw stones! If you hadn't been ushc a bad girlfriend he *definitely* wouldn't have turned out so bad!"
Rinoa: (lunges at Quistis) "ARGH!!"
(Rinoa and Quistis fall to the floor scratching and pulling each other's hair)
Squall: "....Whatever"
(He leaves)

THE END

The Day Before The Battle With Sephiroth

(Tifa and Cloud are standing alone outside the Highwind)
Tifa: (looks around) "Uh, Cloud...do you think it was a good idea to let everyone go?"
Cloud: (scratches head) "I'm starting to get a bad feeling about that idea."
Tifa: (getting nervous) "I hope they're on their way."
Cloud: "........"
(Cait Sith runs up)
Cait Sith: "Yeah! I'm ready to go!"
(Tifa sighs, Cloud slaps his head)
Cloud: "It figures, the crappiest member of the party is the only one who comes back...."
Cait Sith: "And I brought my M-phone!"
Tifa: "Oh, for the love of..."
Cloud: "Hold on! I see someone else!"
(Barret runs up)
Barret: "@#$%! Let's go kick Sephiroth's @$$!"
Tifa: "Thank God! I was afraid we were stuck with Cait Sith!"
Cloud: "Yeah, really!"
Cait Sith: (hangs head) "Ohh....!"
Barret: "Hey, who's dat?"
(Yuffie runs up)
Yuffie: "I wanted to do the noble thing, so I came back to fight Sephiroth!"
Tifa: "You didn't have anything better to do, did you?"
Yuffie: ".......That, and I got into a fight with my dad."
Cloud: "......Is that Vincent?"
(Vincent strolls up)
Vincent: ".....Let's go."
*Silence*
Tifa: "Um, where did you go?"
Vincent: "That information is not important."
Tifa: ".......Oh. Ok."
(Aeris runs up)
Aeris: "I'm ready to go now!"
Cloud: *pause* "Aren't you dead?"
Aeris: "No silly! I'm right here!"
Tifa: "I saw Cloud put your lifeless body in a pond....you *are* dead."
Aeris: "Oh. Nevermind then." (disappears in a *poof*)
Barret: *pause* "What the @#$% was that?"
(Red and Cid run up)
Cid: "@#$X~(a)(b).com!"
Red: "That's right, Cid! We should all get going."
Cloud: "I'm starting to wish I was still in SOLDIER..."
Tifa: "Argh! Don't you get it? You were NEVER IN SOLDIER! You were living a lie! Get over it!"
Cloud: "Oh yeah. Sorry bout that...."

THE END

Chocobo's Roasting On A Cosmo Fire...

Cloud: "This was a great idea, Red."
Red: "Thanks. But you should thank Grandfather."
Tifa: "This is great, Bugenhagen!"
Bugenhagen: "Ho, ho, hoo! The cosmo flame never served a more noble purpose, Nanaki."
Yuffie: "Got any stray materia around here?"
Barret: "Damn, girl! Is that all you think about?!"
Yuffie: "Uh, yea?"
Cid: "@#*.com!"
Vincent: "All he really does is curse a blue streak..."
Barret: "@#**! Ain't nothin' wrong wit that!"
Cait Sith: "Uh, can you untie me now? I'm on your side...really!"
Yuffie: "Uh, no."
Aeris: "It's a great thing that I came back to life, cause I would have missed this!"
Cloud: "I guess there *is* an up-side to chocobo breeding."
Bugenhagen: "Ho, ho, hoo! You get to eat the results!"
Tifa: (singing) "Chocobos roasting on a cosmo fire..."
*Everyone laughs*
Cid: "@#2`**+./.com.org!"

THE END

Cloud's Date With Tifa

Tifa: "I love Gold Saucer, don't you, Cloud?"
Cloud: "....it's ok."
Tifa: "Now that the planet is saved, and Sephiroth is dead, I hope we can spend more time together..."
Cloud: *gulp*
Tifa: "Don't you agree, Cloud?"
Cloud: "Uh, yeah. Why not?"
Tifa: "Cloud, if I ask you something, will you be completely honest?"
Cloud: *pause* "Um, ok. What is it?"
Tifa: "Who did you like better? Me or Aeris?"
Cloud: (crap!) "What?!"
Tifa: "Tell me the truth! Please?"
Cloud: (looking for an exit from the sky car) "Uh, it was always you!"
Tifa: "Are you....going to jump out?"
Cloud: (trying to turn handle) "No, whatever gave you that idea?"
Tifa: "Are you....afraid to tell me?"!"
Cloud: (kicking door) "No, of course not!"
Tifa: "The ride is almost over."
Cloud: (whew!) "But I was really enjoying talking to you..."
(They get off the sky car)
Tifa: "You liked Aeris better, didn't you?" *tear*
Cloud: (spots an exit) "Well, kind of...."
*SLAP*

THE END

Marlene's New Word

Tifa: "Marlene, would you please get that spoon for me?"
Marlene: "Get ig yo self @#!$!"
Tifa: "MARLENE! Where did you hear that?!"
Marlene: "Daddy and Cid were talkin' and I heard them!"
Tifa: "Barret and Cid, huh?"
Marlene: "Do you like it? What does it mean?"
Tifa: "No, I *don't* like it and don't worry about what it means!"
(Goes to Barret and Cid)
Tifa: "Do you know what your daughter just called me?!"
Cid: "@#!$!?"
Tifa: "Exactly!"
Barret: "If Marlene heard that anywhere, she probably heard it from yo spikey @$$ed friend over there!"
Tifa: "Oh, please! Cloud barely *speaks* let alone swears!"
Cloud: "Huh?"
All: "Nothing."
Cid: "@#$.2`(yx)&.com.org!"
Tifa: "See!? And you people wonder where she hears this stuff!"
Barret: "Come on, Tifa, it's just one bad word. No reason to get upset."
Marlene: "@#$.2`(yx)&.com.org!"
Tifa: "WHAT!?"
Cid: "Awwww!! 3/x.2x=+{&!"
Marlene: "3/x.2x=+{&!"
Tifa: "Barret! Make him stop!"
Barret: "This is so cute!"
Tifa: "Cute?! She's using words that would make a truck driver blush!"
(Marlene's friends walk in)
Friend 1: "Hey Marlene, wanna play?"
Marlene: "@#$2`(yx)&.com.org!"
Children: "Ooh!"
Friend 2: "@#$2`(yx)&.com.org!"
Children: "Aah...."
(Barret and Cid laugh)
Tifa: "Argh!" (Slaps forehead)

THE END

Yuffie Strikes Back

Cloud: "Has anyone seen Yuffie lately?"
Barret: "@#/$! She's always running off!"
Cid: "@#$&%x`!~{e*+!"
Red: "I think Cid speaks for all of us."
Tifa: "Um, has anyone seen my materia?"
Cloud: "Hey, mine's gone too!"
Yuffie: "Ha, ha, ha! I told you I would get it!"
Vincent: "Oh, you're gonna get it alright!"
Cait Sith: "Maybe we should just ask for it back nicely...."
All but Cait Sith and Yuffie: "Shut up!"
Barret: "You damn little..."
Yuffie: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me!"
Cloud: "That's right, cause *I'm* gonna hurt you!"
Cid: "@#$.com!" (throws spear)
Yuffie: "Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me!"
Vincent: "What? *Kick* you?" (Kicks her)
Yuffie: "Ouch!"
Red: "Cait Sith! Make yourself useful for once!"
Cait Sith: "I'll use my M-phone!"
Tifa: *sigh* "Just forget it."
Barret: "Good for nothing dumb @$$ toy!"
(Aeris clonks Yuffie in the back of the head)
Yuffie: "Gurgle, uh!" (passes out)
Tifa: "Thanks, Aeris!"
Aeris: "I was so sick of her that I came back from the grave to do that!"
Cloud: "Here, have some fried chocobo!"
Aeris: "Don't mind if I Choco*do*!"
*Everyone laughs*
Cait Sith: "It wasn't really that funny...."
Everyone but Cait Sith: "Would you just shut up!?"
Yuffie: "Gurgle, sputter...."
*Everyone laughs*

    THE END

Rinoa's Discovery

Rinoa: "Squall! I'm pregnant!"
Squall: "Whatever."
Rinoa: "It's Seifer's!"
Squall: "Whatever."
Rinoa: "But it might be Zell's...."
Squall: "Whatever."
Rinoa: "But then there's Irvine..."
Squall: "Whatever."
Selphie: "WHAT?!"
Irvine: "Uh, she can't prove it!"
(Selphie starts hitting him with her nunchucku)
Irvine: "Ow! Make her stop!" *runs away with selphie chasing after him*
TWO WEEKS LATER...
Rinoa: "Squall, the test results are back!"
Squall: "Whatever."
Rinoa: "It's yours!"
Squall: "Damn!"
All: *gasp*
Squall: "Sorry. I stubbed my toe."
All: *sigh*

THE END

Irvine Playboy

Seifer: "Hey, Selphie."
Selphie: "Oh, hi!" *tee hee* "Sorry about kicking your ass all those times. No hard feelings, I hope!"
Seifer: "Nah, it's okay."
Selphie: "I'm soooo glad!"
Seifer: "Hey, you still dating that hick from Galbadia Garden?"
Selphie: "You mean Irvine?"
Seifer: "Yeah, whatever. You still seeing him?"
Selphie: "Kinda, why?" *giggle*
Seifer: "I was going to ask you if wanted to go to the training center with me after curfew, but if you're still stuck on the cowboy...."
Selphie: "Oh, no! I would love to!"
Seifer: "Great. See ya later, Selphie." *slaps her butt and walks away*
Selphie: "Oh, dear!"
(Irvine comes out from hiding)
Irvine: "Selphie! I can't believe you! How could you do this to me!?"
Selphie: "Eww! Don't *even* talk to me about that kind of stuff!"
Irvine: "Huh?"
Selphie: "Did you forget?! All those girls you're always flirting with? Rinoa thinking *you* might have gotten her pg?!"
Irvine: "Selphie, she was just making that up! I only have eyes for you!"
Selphie: *tear* "Really?"
Irvine: "Of course!"
Selphie: "Oh, I'm so happy! I'll go on my date with Seifer, but just as friends, okay?" *giggles, kisses him on the cheek and skips away*
(Girl with the pigtail walks up to Irvine)
Girl: "Hey, Irvine, we still going out tonight?"
Irvine: "Of course! I only have eyes for you!"
Girl: "See you tonight!" *she leaves*
Irvine: *sighs* "It's not easy being me!"

THE END
 
 

*Snore*

*Pokes Sephiroth* "Wake up!"

*Opens eyes* Oh. Yes. Well, that was just so invigorating."

"Shut up and give them the links!" *leaves*

"Just wait till I get the Black Materia....
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