Song fic time! Warning, spoilers for other stories ahead? Don't care? Then go ahead, but don't say I didn't warn ya! This uses the lyrics from the Macy Gray song "I Try". I didn't write them.
 

    Games, changes and fears
When will they go form here
When will they stop?

    He sat alone, locked in his office so Scarlet couldn't strut in looking for a good time or Reno couldn't saunter in with some joke he'd heard in the lounge. But most of importantly it was so *he* couldn't get in. The way Reeve was feeling now, his mind a jumbled up bag of emotions, if Tseng, that beautiful Turk, stepped inside, he might lose it. He might grab him by the collar and just take him down right here on his  desk. He wanted him. He loved him. But how much?

    Because then there was her. Bria.... Truly an angel and a goddess by any standards. She was his savior, his deliverer from the depths of sin and corruption. She was ray of hope. He wanted her. He loved her. But enough to devote himself fully to her and give up Tseng? Of would he leave hope behind and opt to stick with devotion?

I believe that fate has brought us here
We should be together babe
But we're not

    He hadn't breathed a word to Tseng about her yet, no matter how often he thought of her. She was so beautiful, so smart, so strong....he would never find another like her...

    Reeve took a drag of his newly lit cigarette. He seldom smoked anymore. In fact he only resorted to them when he was uneasy. Right now he was extremely uneasy.

I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
And I keep my cool but I'm feigning'

    How could he break it off with her?

    The words would never come. Especially eye to eye. Could he walk away? Just turn around and leave her out of of his life?

    No, he'd fall.

I try to say good -bye and I choke
Try to walk away and I stumble

    Could there be a way?

    An easy way?

    To just turn around, say thank you, and be through with it?

    A way so it wouldn't hurt--like it hurt just thinking about it.

Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not there

    He couldn't. No.

Good-bye and I choke

    He needed her terribly. She was his support.

I try to walk away and I stumble.

    There was no point in trying to hide it from himself. If Bria went, hope, promise and his whole existence went with her. And somehow it was funny....for she hadn't a clue what she meant to him.

Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

    Tseng....his beautiful Turk, his best friend in the world. The man had no clue that Reeve loved him back, felt as strongly as he did. He was trapped, caught in a reliance on his friend's love.

I may appear to be free
But I'm just a prisoner of your love

    Reeve had always been careful to not hint towards his affections. True, it felt horrible, utterly, utterly horrible, but he couldn't admit his love. Not to another man. Not in this lifetime. Sometimes he truly hated himself for being this way, for being such a phony. It was at those same times he wondered how he could hate Shinra. They were just as phony as he was. Hypocrites, the both of them. What would Tseng think, he wondered, what would he think if he found me out?

And I may seem all right and smile when you leave
But my smiles are just a front

    If he could see right through me...?

Just a front, hey

    He tried not to think about him, but whenever he finally managed to push thoughts of Bria from his mind, it was Tseng...that pale, smooth skin, long dark hair, low soothing voice and lean muscular body that clouded his brain. Oh...but he could never admit it, how the Turk was on his mind more than his work.

I play it off but I'm dreaming of you
And I'll keep my cool but I'm feigning

    Could he ever say it? Say the words Tseng was terrified of? The words he was dreading. "Tseng...there's a woman". Reeve ran a hand through his hair, resting his weary hand upon it, elbow on the desk. Taking another drag on the cigarette, he cringed just picturing his friend's reaction. The look of shock and hurt. He knows it might come...but he'll never take it well. How could he be the cause of that pain? How could he stand here and go through with it after that?

I try to say good-bye and I choke
(yeah)

    How could he walk away after that? Leaving Tseng behind in as much pain as he had rescued Reeve from. How could he walk away without running back, without taking him into his arms with whispered assurances on how he's never leave him, no matter what woman came along. How strong was he?

I try to walk away and I stumble

    Every time he admitted it to himself he died a little. But he needed Tseng. Needed him to live. He was the nitrogen he needed to breathe....but Bria was the oxygen.

Though I try to hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not there

    Could he make it?

Good-bye and I choke

    Could he get the words out?

(yeah)
I try to walk away and I stumble

    Could he walk away without falling?

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

    Through out all the heart ache, could he keep back the tears? Keep back the feelings?

My world crumbles when you are not there

    He put out his cigarette and slowly stood. He had to get out of this room before he suffocated, straight for the elevator and down a few floors. For some reason he got off at the lounge. Maybe because he hoped someone would he there. Someone he could talk to. But there was no one that sort in Shinra besides Tseng. And there were obvious problems there. How could he explain his situation to anyone...it was so bizarre. As much as he loved Tseng...

    Bria...

    How he longed to be held by her for eternity. If he was hers, and she was his, what more could he want?

Here is my confession
May I be your possession

    He closed his eyes and could almost feel her hand in his, her lips on his, her slim body in his arms.

Boy I need your touch
Your love kisses and such

    But what about Tseng?

With all my might I try

    But she hated Shinra, just like him. She wanted to help him bring it down.

    Tseng....he was so loyal. It was a setback and a drawback.

But this I can't deny.

    Maybe.....he was better off with her after all. They had the same dream...

    In the case of Shinra, he and Tseng were a million miles apart and drifting.

Deny

    I can't help it, Bria...you give me strength. I'm drawing so much from you.

I play if off but I'm dreaming of you

   But Tseng....you *were* always there for me.

(But I'm dreaming of you babe)

    How could I ever *EVER* even *imagine* hurting either of you.....when I love you both *so* much?

And I'll keep my cool but I'm feigning

    Bria, I would die before letting you go. I've searched so long for your smile...

I try to say good-bye and I choke
(yeah)

    Tseng....I could never be sorry enough...

    I have to give you up.

    You're too loyal.

    It's for the good of the planet.

    We can't look back.

I try to walk away and I stumble

    Part of me will die...

    And even though I won't show you...

    I'll know.

    I'll feel the pain.

Though I try
(try to hide it)

    Is that enough for you, Tseng?

    To know I've suffered losing you?

    Would you want me to feel pain?

    Or would you rather me just be happy?

    I couldn't be happy, my friend.

    Not without you.

To hide it, it's clear
My world crumbles when you are not near

    I'll do it for you, Bria.

(When you are not there, ahh)

    I need you too desperately.

    I need you now.

    And forever.

Good-bye and I choke
(yeah, yeah, yeah)

    For you, I will do anything....even break the heart of my dearest friend.

I try to walk away and I stumble
(hey hey hey)

    But he can never know just how much you mean to me. I think.....I think it might hurt him more...

Though I try to hide it, it's clear
(say it, lord)

    To know you mean so much to me...

My world crumbles
(Lord)

    ...when he believes he means so little.

When you are not there
(the lord kisses us)

    Bria.....I'll do it.

Good-bye and I choke

    Tseng....part of me is dying.

(I'm choking)

    It was the hardest decision of my life.

I try to walk away and I stumble

    No matter how much I want to, you just can't know what you've done to me, my friend. What you *still* and will *continue* to do to me.

Though I try to hide it, it's clear

    I can't apologize enough

My world crumbles when you are not near

    Bria....say you'll be mind forever. I'll never let you go.

(When you are not near yeah yeah yeah)

    I'm happy....but every day I'll die a little more with regret.

Yeah Yeah
 
 

The End

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