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Vincent's Lucky
Day
By: Jackie
The doorbell of Shinra Mansion rang. Vincent turned in his coffin as Steve from “Blues Clues” popped out of nowhere and started singing. “Here’s the mail, it never fails, it makes me wanna wag my tail! When it’s here I wanna wail MAIL!!!” He disappeared in an irritating *poof*. Vincent sighed as he opened his coffin lid. He went upstairs to open the door.
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The open door revealed a chipper man holding balloons and one of those big, cheesy checks.
Vincent blinked. “Who disturbs me?”
The annoyingly cheerful middle aged man grinned. “I’m from Publishers Clearing House! Allow me to add a few more rays of sunshine to your day!”
Vincent rolled his eyes. “If I wanted sunshine, I would have opened the curtains.”
The man chuckled nervously, “Yes, well, Mr. Valentino, I have good news for you!”
“Valentino?” Vincent began. “But I’m not –“
“You’ve just won 25 million gil!!”
Vincent’s jaw dropped, but you couldn’t see it, cause of that big collar he’s always wearing.
“Congratulations!” The man handed Vincent the check and balloons and left.
Vincent stared at the check for a second before he closed the door. “WOO-HOO!!!” The cry of joy echoed all the way to the Midgar Slums. Barret, Tifa and Cloud looked at each other.
“Yo, what da hell was dat?” exclaimed the walking stereotype.
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Back at the Shinra Mansion, Vincent put on his best cape and headed out for a night on the town. He had some plans for his new cash. . .
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Vincent skipped into the materia shop. Yes, he skipped. You would too, if you had 25 mil in your pocket and a large lump of rock cocaine in your veins.
“What can I do for ya,” asked the counter clerk, as he warily eyed the black clad stranger.
“I would like to purchase some ‘happy’ materia!” He tossed a rolled up wad of cash at the startled man. Who said money couldn’t buy happiness? You just gotta know where to shop!
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Vincent equipped his new materia and smiled, although with him it’s hard too tell, as he entered the car dealership. An hour later, he drove out in a shiny , new red BMW. He cruised around town for a little while until he spotted the pet store. That’s what he was missing!
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His car now filled with fluffy white bunnies and a few puppies, Vincent returned to Shinra Mansion. He turned the animals loose and walked to his room. He stared at his coffin for a few minutes before he grabbed a puppy and got back in his car.
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He entered the funeral parlor and rang the little bell on the counter.
An old man with a hump and an eye patch hobbled over. “Yessss, howwww can I heeeelp youuuu?” he said freakily.
The puppy whimpered.
“I’m interested in a new coffin,” Vincent began.
“Ohhh, I’m teeerribly soooorry for your looosss…” the creepy manager replied.
“Oh, no! It’s for me!” Vincent corrected, stroking the traumatized puppy.
The manager gave him a strange look with his one eye. “Ohhh… right thisss waaaay…”
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Vincent was led into a showroom of caskets.
“Pleeease feel free to looook aroooound,” the manager urged, “Oh, and cuuuuute puuuuppy…” he added, stroking the trembling puppy with a pale and wizened hand.
“Uh, thanks,” Vincent replied as he pulled he now permanently scared animal closer to him. The manager hobbled away.
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Vincent ended up purchasing the Rest EZ 2000, a top of the line coffin with a silk lining, heating and invigorating massage, (because you know how the dead love their massages).
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Later that evening, Vincent was napping in his shiny new coffin with a few of his new bunny rabbits when the doorbell rang yet again. This time Steve did not appear because Vincent had hired a hit man to dispose of the asinine character. So he ascended the stairs to answer the door.
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I would like to tell you that it was Lucretia at the door, confessing her love for him, or maybe another check, but unfortunately, it was neither. It was the IRS. They would have arrested Vincent for tax evasion, but instead, they took his new stuff. Vincent sighed as he watched them leave with his car, coffin, whatever cash he had left and yes, even his fluffy new pets. He hung his head and returned to the basement. He crawled into his old casket and was about to go back to sleep when he heard a whimper in the corner of the room. He walked over to the source and picked up the emotionally unstable puppy. Apparently it had been overlooked. Vincent smiled as he heard the familiar jingle which meant that materia had leveled up. He looked down at his still equipped ‘Happy’ materia. Maybe the day hadn’t ended so badly after all…
The End