WARNING!

This is your *last* warning. This story contains heavy lime between two men. If you can't handle that, you shouldn't be anywhere *near* this page.
Oh, and just as an added note, this is my first story written in the first person.




    I knew where he was taking me. There was a blind fold over my eyes, but the chill in my bones told me we were going to hell. It told me we were going where the torture had all begun.

    We were going to Nibelheim.

    The very thought made me shudder.

    His cold, bony hand clamped down on my shoulder, and he led me forward, down a twirling staircase. I suddenly found my heart beating in my throat, wishing I had taken a good look at the world before being kidnapped. Somehow I knew it would be a long time before I laid eyes upon it again, if at all.

    And Sephiroth....my angel, my love, my life, my soul....I tried....tried so hard to tell him. I could see him clearly in my mind, an image that brought a smile to my lips. He was the only one who could make me smile under such dire circumstances.

    I was shoved forward, and I stumbled, trying to regain my balance. Futilely I tried to free my hands, which had been tightly bound behind my back. "Hojo," I hissed, turning to where I thought he might be, "stop being a coward and open my eyes. Unite me. If you call yourself a man you'll stand up to me."

    I heard his maniacal cackle and turned in that direction.

    "Oh, I'll face you like a man, Vincent," he told me, voice thick and hard to find. "But maybe you can answer some questions for me first."

    I tensed, feeling horribly uneasy. It had been many years since Hojo had addressed me by my first name, and those memories were ones I had struggled to forget. Still, I would show no fear. That's what he wanted, the glory of me trembling in his wake. I would give him no such pleasure. "What is it?" I replied testily.

    I heard footsteps coming towards me and I stood up straighter. "Did you ever make love to him, Vincent? Did he left you inside him?"

    I pursed my lips, but answered, "yes."

    Several more footsteps in my direction and I felt sweat drip down my neck.

    "Was he ever inside you, Vincent?" He voice was filled with rage, bitterness and hurt. "Did you let him *fuck* you!" He snapped, practically in my face. I could feel his heavy warm breath on my lips and it sent shivers of disgust down my spine.

    Containing my disgust, I snarled, "yes." Then, suddenly amused at his inquiries I added, "admit you're jealous, Alexander." I used his first name like he had used mine. "You wished it was you and not him."

    He hit me, hard across the face. "Why him?! Why him and not me, Vincent?!" The hurt overpowered the anger in his voice as he hit me again.

    My head fell to the side, skin stinging where his flesh hit mine. Gritting my teeth and keeping my face away from his, I replied, "because I love him and there has never been anything but hatred and disgust for you in my heart."

    The silence that followed scared me, and I remained still, waiting for him to strike me again, to beat me to death right then and there.

    But the next sensation I felt was a mouth covering mine and a stinging feeling in my shoulder blade.

    I voiced a protest, trying to push him away with all my strength. Only I had none. The bastard had injected me with something that made me physically useless.

    I had never been so terrified in my life as I was at that moment. I tried with all my might to scream, but he only forced his lips onto mine with more insistence, his slimy tongue prying my lips apart and breaking into my mouth.

    I was choking as his tongue stroked against mine. There was no escape, no hope for me. This would probably be my last memory. Just let me die, I thought as he stripped me of my jacket. Let me be free of this torture.

    Hojo backed me up into a wall, tongue still invading my mouth. I tried to bite down on the unwanted pest, but he pulled away, ripping the blindfold off and glaring into me. I kept my eyes as unemotional as I could, but I knew I was failing. I must have looked terrified at that moment. And I was.

    "If you cooperate I won't hurt him when I return."

    My eyes widened. I snapped, "don't even *think* about touching him!"

    His hand caressed my cheek, and as repulsed as I was I remained still. "I won't.....if you allow me to touch you."

    I was curious. "And if I refuse?"

    "I'll do everything short of killing him," he replied evenly.

    "You unimaginable bastard," I hissed, eyes narrowing. "Have you no decency? No soul?"

    He took a painful hold of my hair and jerked my head towards his. "Where do your priorities lie, Vincent Valentine?"

    There was no choice. There was no way I would let my Sephiroth suffer because of my actions. I had promised to protect him. To keep him safe and happy. I had already failed once....and had vowed never to let him down again. My angel....your life....it holds far more value than mine.

    He shook me. "I am not a patient man, Vincent. Speak."

    I shut my eyes, unable to look at him any more. "You sweat you won't lay a hand on him? You give your word not to harm him?"

    "I swear on my love of science."

    "Your only love," I sneered.

    His hands reached to untuck my shirt, then to undo the buttons. "I once loved something besides science," Hojo said.

    I almost laughed, opening my eyes.

    He spread my shirt and looked up at me. "You."

    I gasped, mind swimming. I stammered my words, "I.....I thought it was lust..."

    "You're beautiful, Vincent," he assured me, lips grazing over an eyebrow. "But no. I loved you." He took firm hold of my shoulders.

    "No.....no...." my voice was no more than a whisper. "But....Lucretia...."

    He bit down on my skin and I cried out in pain. "Lucretia..." he laughed bitterly, "I took her away from you because I couldn't stand to see you love her and not me. I thought if I took her away....you'd love me instead."

    A cold hand gripped my heart. "No....." I whispered, head bending back as his lips sucked at my neck. I moaned, "no....no....Lucretia..."

    "But no," he snapped, bitterness building up in his tone. "No, you never loved me, Vincent." He slid of shirt off my shoulders and dropped it to the ground. "Never." Taking left hand, he brought it to his lips and slid one of my fingers into his mouth.

    "You gave me no reason to, Alexander," I told him, my pulse and breathing picking up despite my unwillingness. I was struggling not to cry out. "You and your experiments. You treated your own son like scum." I paused, before adding in a softer tone, "then how did I expect you to treat me?"

    Removing my fingers from his mouth he brought his beady eyes to mind. "I'm going to make you scream, Vincent. I'm going to make sure you cry out in pleasure."

    I trembled as I declared, "I won't give in!"

    "To hell you won't." His fingers brushed over one of my nipples, sending a shock of electricity through my body. My mouth fell open, but I held my voice back. "You're only a man."

    I struggled, fighting for control as his lips invaded my chest, but it was so hard to stop myself from moaning in pleasure. I kept my lips pressed tightly together, biting down hard in an effort to maintain my dignity. There was blood on my lip and there was no doubt I drew it myself, trying not to cry out. I couldn't resist what he was doing to my body. I'm only a man.

    My eyes fell cloesed and my mouth opened, light moans escaping from my lips as I unconciously arched towards his touch. Forgive me, Sephiroth....

    Hojo laughed at me. "I enjoy hearing I bring your pleasure, Vincent."

    I tried to catch my breath, "you disgust me." I licked the blood from my lips.

    He stood, bringing the length of his body against mine. My eyes widened as I felt a hardness against my stomach. "I'll hear you scream my name, Vincent."

    I weakly shook my head. "Never."

    His tongue darted out to lick the blood off my lips and I felt myself shudder.

    "Tell me, Vincent. Do you enjoy feeling another man inside you?" His hands griped my waist.

    I didn't answer as I looked away.

    Hojo's eyes narrowed and he meshed his teeth together. "Don't hide it, Valentine." He turned me without warning, shoving the front of my body up against the wall. I turned my head, sick of giving into him. I knew what was coming. It terrified me. And I cried. I completely lost control and broke down in tears. No matter how strong I was, I was only a man. A frightened young man who wished he was dead, just do he wouldn't have to be right here, right now, willingly succumbing to this torture, just to save another. "Sephiroth!" I cried out, trembling as I felt his lips on my back. "Oh angel...!"

    "Is that what you called him?" Hojo snapped, scratching his nails down my back. It hurt. "Well there's no one from heave to save you now.

    I just cried, the tears flowing down my face. I did my best to ignore him, to ignore that voice, to ignore those lips, to ignored those hands. But I couldn't. For some reason I just began whispering "angel, angel, angel," over and over. Perhaps I was trying to calm my tremulous mind. I felt the desire pooling between my legs and I hated myself for it. I had fallen. I was only a man.

    I stiffened as he reached for my belt buckle. As I felt him roughly remove it, I knew there was no escape from hell now. I was trapped. I squeezed my eyes shut, crying silently. I'd do anything for you angel. Beating after beating  after beating for you. Die for you. Even be raped for you. I love you. Don't forget me.


    There was more, more torture yet to bear. This was Hojo's revenge for nearly ruining his greatest experiment, for going against what he stood for, and for never loving him. He killed me, yes, but even the knowledge of a painful death was not enough. He revived me, toyed with me, destroying my body further. I remember awakening, then a flash of intense pain as another unconsciousness came over.

    I must have blacked out, and next I knew it was dark and I was confined in some kind of box. Wearily I felt around myself. A coffin. How appropriate.

    "I know you can hear me, Vincent." He laughed . "As far as the world outside is concerned, you're dead." I heard his laughter fade away and the sound of a door slamming. "Have pleasant dreams, Vincent Valentine." I heard the clanking of keys and fading footsteps. I was alone for eternity.

    What had he done to me? My left arm had been replaced with a metal claw. And that other conciousness....I was no longer even human. Yes....Hojo had given me a fate worth than death. And even though that door outside was locked, I would not have strayed had it not been. This was my chance to punish myself for not stopping Lucretia. And she suffered. For not stopping Hojo and Sephiroth suffered. And he would suffer still, I knew. Angel, I will sleep now and make up for what I couldn't do for you. I'm sorry Sephiroth.

    I closed my weary eyes and drifted off to sleep. A nightmare in Nibelheim is what I let happen, and so it is that I would now live. And how many lives had I ruined with my foolishness? I trembled, my aching body still weak from the torture. Well deserved, I thought. I'll pay my price for what I did. The lives I've destroyed. This body is my punishment, yes, but it embodies only what I have done. Hojo.....once again you were wrong. I am no man. I am a monster.
 


~fin~

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